Deliberately vague… My apologies.
It's starting to get to me. I work for a big company, and it was not a secret that I was brought on because I'm not white.
I get emails asking for specific pieces of work so it can be used to show higher ups that investing in people like me wasn't a mistake. Look at what they've produced, with OUR training and OUR methods.
Except… I've had to figure a lot of things out on my own. I've had to seek people out and ask for advice, because their training programs only scratched the surface of what I needed to know.
All while… My less than stellar knowledge of our giant employee handbook is used to exploit me into unpaid overtime and switching shifts without the proper notice. While I get the old office – alone and away from everyone while my other coworkers get renovated spaces and new equipment. While I've heard phrases like “Harls is the only one available… so I guess we're stuck with them.”
I wanted to love this place so much because it's the top company in my field. When I got the job it was one of the best days of my professional career. So it's been difficult for me to recognize that I may not want to be there. But it's getting harder to ignore the impacts on my mental health.
Like this post. I've become so unsure of myself that I need validation at every turn. I would love feedback, thoughts, advice, personal stories… because I no longer trust myself to be sure of what I know anymore.
Thank you in advance.