Obligatory disclaimer – I'm NOT in the US
This turned out really chaotic, I'm sorry
I started this job in August. I was supposed to be a receptionist, that's what I've been told, but it's barely what I do, I'm more of a personal assistant to my dick of a boss and a human printer with legs. I NEVER would've picked this job if I knew my real responsibilities.
This last half year has been a nightmare. I got no training except for some random notes left by a previous worker, nobody in this company communicates with each other, my boss NEVER speaks to me directly, he communicates through his favourite assistant, S, even when he's literally in the room next to me. He's 70 and a baby – I can't stress it enough. He complains (never to me, everything goes through S) that a cup of coffee I prepared for him had a scratch on it, that his TV stand he personally chose (and I ordered) is ugly, that he has to pay for parking space, that I shoudn't have informed an estate agent that he's potentially gonna be late for a meeting, because, quoting “it's ME people are supposed to wait for”. Lately S has ran out of her room and told me to stop messaging him – I bought a plane ticket he had apparently forgot about and told me to send him proof that he had asked me to do it. I did and S scolded me that he called her to say he's angry.
S herself is a huge bitch, complaining about every step I take and reminding me that everything I do is wrong. Since yesterday I heard that I clean the table wrong, my Winnie the Pooh band-aid is inappropriate for work, binder tags I prepared should be printed, not written by hand, when I printed them and used a stapler to put them in place, she wanted me to use a tape instead, then she complained about the font- ffs. You get it. I also wanted to surprise everyone in the office and did a hand-made fall-themed wall decorations for October. She told me they're ugly and I may get in trouble, better to take them down. It's a small office, only four people or so, not a big corpo by any means.
I'm constantly critisized, everything I do Is wrong. My insomnia has been getting worse even though I had it under control for years, my meds don't work for my anxiety anymore. Yesterday I spent a whole day crying secretly in the bathroom, cause I've been reprimended for “abandoning my office without permission”, even though I literally left 5 minutes before the end of my shift, because I had to take away the thrash on the other side of the building.
I can't take this anymore. I need to take a break. I have a visit with a psychiatrist today and I'm going to beg if I have to, but I need a sick leave for the sake of my mental health. I don't know how long it's gonna be, a week, month? There are no limited sick days where I live. But I know I'm NEVER coming back to this shithole, I will recharge and leave permanently.
So why do I feel so wrong about it? I can't help feeling guilty about leaving them on the spot. Who's gonna take care of the invoices while I'm gone? What if something needs to paid and nobody knows because it got sent to my e-mail account? What if I'm responsible for this somehow? Even writing about this makes my close to crying. I feel like human shit for using their money to rest for a month and then quitting.
And I know that's not my fault. They're responsible for managing a team, I'm more that allowed to turn off my phone and not give a fuck about my baby boss and his personal slave harem. They've treated me like shit, but I can't be like them.
I should put a (obligatory) one month notice, use that time to look for a better job and survive, somehow, and prepare everything for my leave. But I can't do that, I'm not strong enough.
I don't know what to do. I shouldn't feel wrong about putting my mental health first. I'm scared. I'm only 25 and I don't deserve this.
PS My boss just know complained about his coffee being too small and that it used to be bigger. It's the exact same coffee you get when you press “cappuccino”, I got a bigger cup that doesn't have a fucking scratch on it.