I work hard as fuck. Like above and beyond which is my first mistake. I got a new role this year and I made it my mission to get a good rating for our end of year summaries. I improved processes, got awards, went to other depts to do like gig work(for free), got amazing feedback from the people I help, started the conversation on a lot of current dept needs etc. I get my rating and it's average. I got average.
& Guess what it boiled down to? What does everything? Numbers. I was 2% off my numbers at THE BEGINNING of my job. One hard ass month was like 4%. But EVERYTHING ELSE I did?! Nada. I was encouraged to still be the me that I am and I just don't have it in me anymore. Mind you, the numbers I'm mentioning were affected because I didn't know how to get off of a complaint call quickly enough or I was busy getting a therapist for a colleague. After a real convo, my numbers shot up and have been great ever since.
All of the mental bullshit I get put through, all of the extra work I do for my department and for the benefit of the customer, none of it matters. I was just told I'm basically an average ass worker so I plan to produce average ass work from here on out.
Mind you, my job is already cutting into my mental state because I feel like my empathy and compassion are only seen as benefits when they can be manipulated by a corporation for profits. Other than that.. it just results in bad numbers I guess. They come to me for questions, project work, so many things, but I'm just average. Okay. I'll be average.