My last job got so monotonous that I was really feeling the weight of working for what feels like eternity. It was the worst my depression had ever been and I went on antidepressants (again). When I finally quit I took a short trip and stayed home for a couple months because of corona mainly. I eventually quit the antidepressants again and got the job I have now.
Let's be real my job is shit. Everyone in my life tells me to quit but the truth is I'm afraid. I'm afraid that any job I get will force me back into that headspace. My depression is ongoing so whether or not I have a job I will always have the depression but to feel that low again, I don't think I could do it.
I feel like I will never be “happy” in a job because what I really want to do I can't and I'm honestly just tired (from all the depression). I'm just working now because that's what society says I should do. I feel like I'm just making money to pay bills and I'm exhausted and I really don't know what to do.
We all know the job application process is also a crap shoot and I don't even have the energy for that. I tell my friends that I need a break from all this but I don't think they truly understand and everytime my friend sends me a job listing I get a little more sad.