Basically just the title but here’s the TLDR of how I feel about it so far:
Just ended college. I’ve started my first office job and I’ve been in training for over three months now. The end of training is soon and I get a dollar raise once it’s over. Most of the training has involved watching soulless LinkedIn Learning videos in my dark, windowless office. The other portions of training have been either online zoom meetings, teams meetings, or very rarely, in person meetings that are boring as hell. It all feels so impersonal and bland. And everyone here seems to know it’s bland but they either don’t care or just don’t have the time to change it.
The walls are beige, the lights are headache inducing, I barely see the light of day anymore. We all usually eat lunch alone in our offices. Everyone seems on edge, fake, or scared to speak candidly. I went from being an art major (my first mistake) and an officer in my university’s climbing club, and now I’m here doing this BS. Life was so much more vibrant and free before and it feels so saddening to be shown how great life could be to be put into this box for god knows how long. I worked during that time, too, but at jobs that my dad called “just gigs” despite them being full on. I’ve had shitty bosses in the past but I’d almost rather have a shitty boss at a fun job than a decent boss at a soulless one. The jobs I had before just weren’t office jobs and there’s no shame in that in my opinion. But my parents seem to think this type of job is the way to go as far as my resume is concerned (which I get but STILL).
I just don’t understand any of this though. Where is the LIFE in this? Where is the personality? The freedom? The expression? I sit here, working on files or working reception or proctoring student exams, thinking on these topics because I just feel so depressed and dissatisfied here. The proctoring is some of the worst stuff, we spend two hours at a time, four hours a day, three times a week, almost motionless, monitoring the students on cameras. We can’t do anything but THAT. It just feels like I’m doing the job of a robot.
I don’t know, maybe it’s just me, but this kind of job, this system, this ladder that I’m meant to climb is just not for me. I hope I don’t come off as ignorant or edgy here but legit I just can’t “fake it till I make it” anymore. And I also understand that this could just be temporary for me personally but I just feel so sad for the people that have done/will do this kind of job for the rest of their life. Like maybe the pay gets better but damn man… it’s just NOT it.