I'm dead inside after today.
We're understaffed. I'm leading the front desk at a healthcare clinic.
Our lab was drowning today and we have a shitty scheduling tool that double books slots. Normally, that's fine, but today we were understaffed, so it was NOT OKAY today.
To avoid this, I had my team state out loud what slot they were taking. It worked and we managed to not overwhelm the lab.
Until the manager from another department (not mine) took issue with it and said it was too loud and to stop it and just use the schedule. She stayed that it didn't matter if there was overbooking here or there. But IT DOES MATTER.
Because of that, the schedule got overbooked. The lab tech came to me very upset and I told them to talk to the manager that had fucked us. They did and then we had to literally pause scheduling so they could catch up. I warned the manager this would happen and it was as if they didn't care. Because they actually didn't care.
Well, it happened again. This time it cost the lab tech their one and only break. Against labor laws? Yes. Anyone care? Nope.
I tried to space labs out to give the lab breathing room. The schedule is unreliable. The SAME manager came out, aggressively told me that I was purposefully scheduling patients too far out (in front of a patient and my team) and immediately started in on me about why and what was I thinking. I couldn't reply to them because everytime I tried, they'd just go in a circle. I started having a panic attack and asked them to please just let me finish scheduling the patient. I stated I couldn't answer their questions at the moment because I was literally falling into a panic attack. They didn't care. I'm shaking and my heart rate is going up.
The manager then reported my to MY OWN MANAGER stating that I'm aggressive, rude, and condescending. I got absolutely obliterated. I ended up having a full on melt down in my managers office because they told me I had an attitude problem. That I wasn't taking accountability. I had also already been put on the spot earlier for something I did not do. Even though it was corrected, it still shook me up thinking I could go down for something I had no part in. It's not a joke in the medical world.
My coworkers all love me and even said the the first manager was being terrible to me. They said they were happy to hear me stand up for myself because it wasn't cool what happened to me.
I told my manager this. They sat back and thought about it. They said they'd speak to the other manager.
I have a good relationship with my manager so that really hurt a lot, the whole ordeal.
Someone has been feeding shit to them about me. I asked my team if I ever seemed mean or cold to them and they said no. They said that I'm actually too nice to people and it was good to see me actually stand up for once.
How is it that I'm well liked by everyone but am also an asshole???
Here's the thing; I can't control how someone perceives me. Even IF they really do think I'm being a huge dick, I have no idea why! When I asked my manager for examples so I can actually see the issue, I didn't get an answer.
Am I being gaslighted??? I feel horrible.
I feel like I let the lab tech down and I feel like I just fanned the flames of chaos today. Nothing I did was good enough. Nothing I did was okay. And to top it off, I'm a horrible monster who eats babies, worships Nergal, and killed God.
What the FUCK do I do to right this????