I'll try to keep this as short as possible because I don't know where to turn to right now. I attended my company's holiday party yesterday and my one coworker has left my skin crawling.
For some background : I (white, gay 29m) am one of the managers at a small company. I've had issues with another person of management for about a year now (let's call her Maria, middle aged straight white woman), but last night at the party I feel like she really crossed the line. Maria has what I think to be a very stereotypical New York/North Jersey personality – meaning she can be abrasive, in your face, loud, talkative, etc. She also never takes responsibility for her actions. This has rubbed almost everyone on the staff the wrong way since Maria was hired. Also, I do not like throwing out the word “racist,” but I've started noticing a pattern where at the very least she is extremely insensitive about others. For example, calling another employee “Rogers” instead of “Rodriguez” because that employee doesn't speak Spanish, putting African black soap in the bathrooms (keep in mind 75% of the staff is POC), saying I should wear make-up because I'm “fabulous.”
Fast-forward to last night. Maria definitely had a glass of wine or two and proceeds to kiss me all over my cheek leaving lipstick stains on my face. This grossed me out like you wouldn't believe. It wasn't a quick smooch, but borderline slobbering all over me. She meant it in a friendly non-sexual way, but still it was too much for me. She sits at the opposite end of the dining room, thank goodness, and I'm sitting next to the coworker she refers to as “Rogers.” While waiting on dinner, I excuse myself to make a call to my husband to check in on him he's recovering from surgery. Well, out comes Maria demanding to speak to the waitstaff about something. She finds a busboy and proceeds to berate him since he didn't speak English. She stomps back into the room after not getting whatever it was she was looking for. When I return to my seat, I notice the coworker I was sitting next to has disappeared. Well, Maria physically moved this person's seat to her, already full, table. I found this odd and incredibly rude. When I went over to ask what was going on, she said her table was “too blasé” and she needed to spice it up. Keep in mind, everyone can hear her saying this. While she was explaining why she did what she did, she had my arm in a death grip massaging me which eventually led to hear scratching me with her nails. I tried pulling away, but she was holding on for dear life. Once again, she left me feeling physically uncomfortable.
I don't know how to handle this moving forward. My first thought was to go to HR to let them know how I feel. Unfortunately, the HR manager is close friends with Maria and when other employees have gone to HR about Maria's behavior in the past, HR has just brushed it off. I also did not say anything to Maria about how I felt last night. There was so much going on I didn't know how to process, but my experience has left me feeling completely disgusted. My husband said I should maybe leave HR out and go directly to Maria on Monday, but whenever Maria is confronted with something she either shuts down, threatens to quit, or has a meltdown. I don't want to be the squeaky wheel here, but I don't know what to do. Am I wrong for feeling this way? Any advice would be appreciated.
tl;dr: feel uncomfortable with a member of management kissing, massaging, and scratching me after she also berated the waitstaff for not speaking English and after she forced another employee to move her seat because the other coworkers weren't “spicy” enough for her