My 25F job pays me pretty well. However, I hate it because things change so quickly and every day is different. I never know what to expect which I know some people enjoy, but I feel much better with consistency and a slow-paced environment. I'm applying for government jobs that are supposed to be slower paced, and I haven't heard back from a single department. I'm applying to county, city, state and federal level. I know I'll make less money, but I will at least be able to support myself.
I know my performance is not great at work because I can't keep up with the pace. I've tried to improve my time management skills, but the only way I can get everything done is if I work at least one day over the weekend, and I was miserable doing that. So I stopped working over the weekend and my performance continues to slip. I told my manager I was overwhelmed with my workload. Her response was that if I wanted to grow with the organization, I would need to be able to manage my current workload and be able to take on more. Otherwise there's no room for growth in the company for me. The company structure tends to be that if you don't get promoted after two years, you get fired.
I've been there for a year and a half now so my time is limited. I'm really scared that I'm going to get fired before I find a new opportunity. I don't want to have to rush into a job I don't want out of necessity. I'm just feeling really overwhelmed and sad right now especially thinking about going back tomorrow morning. Also I can't lie the idea of getting fired feels humiliating and like it will destroy my self esteem. I don't know if there's any advice to give me but words of encouragement would be appreciated.