Hey there, I'm a (22f) graphic design student in France and I need of some advice. If i were to cut to the chase, i just don't wanna do anything anymore.
I find myself thinking about why I'm doing what I'm doing and I'm able to give myself a reasonable answer but I can't bring myself to actually do anything productive or creative, its been like this for long time. I'd probably say about 2yrs.
In 2021 i finished an associate's degree in Visual Art in burnout, depression and penny less , i had no computer and spent the rest of that year trying to find myself again and rebalance my life. In the end of the year I decide to move to a french department and bought a plane ticket to where I am right now.
Last year, I struggled through family drama and tiring jobs, visited a few schools and decided to apply to the one art school in the area. In preparation i was finally able to buy a computer and the graphics tablet i wanted. But I'm beginning to think that going to school here was probably a mistake.
I'm now in a very disorganized and boring graphic design bachelor's program where we don't even do graphic design or work with software to create stuff. We just do theory. There's absolutely nothing graphic design related in the course that we're doing and many of the subjects we are doing are thought by ppl who all dislike each other and cant ever agree on what they should do with us. Thud all the professors do their own thing and nothing actually comes together as nothing is actually linked.
I am very 'bored' or saddened and really demotivated and find that my motivation which I had regained to begin school has once again vanished.
I come from a dysfunctional family so making friendships etc is hard as I don't know what they're even supposed to look like and I tend to overthink relationships no matter their nature. (Romantic, friendships etc)
There was a bus strike this month which lasted 2-3 weeks. In this period of time I managed to get up at 10/11 every day thinking about what my purpose is and why i even signed up for this program.
I have an interesting diploma project which is basically me creating a perfume brand and having to put on a sort of show to show off my work and immerse the jury into the brand as if it were a real thing. Though it's a good idea and I've already done all of the research and have jotted down many ideas, i have yet to execute on anything.
I work better at school than at home as I can't really concentrate or get anything done when I'm here. I don't get out much as most places I'd like to visit are too far and require a bus to get there- and they are on strike.
My mind is completely blank and my brain doesn't want to work or do anything related to design. I don't want to drop out as in 2021 I'd started the graphic design bachelor's and quit as a result of the circumstances i described earlier. I want to finish this program as there's only 4-5 months left as my diploma is in June, but I don't know what to do or where to even begin.
It's like I would rather sleep all day and eat than actually do anything. Doom scrolling on my phone on Twitter and killing time watching YouTube and Netflix are the only things which seem appealing to me.
Id love to talk to someone about this but it's hard to begin to describe how I feel as it's a constant feeling that doesn't ever go away. The joy I had for design has gone away. I don't draw, i don't paint and I don't make sculptures anymore. I feel completely empty and devoid of motivation, inspiration or energy to do anything.
Everything is just mundane for me. But I do enjoy watching commentary content and pretending as tho I'm a part of discourse and creating my own opinions and debating as tho I was there.
I find that my critical thinking skills have dulled signicantly and I'm amused by very simple things. I feel like I've gotten dumber somehow. It's like I can't even string together a coherent process or idea and execute on it.
When I speak with ppl i feel as tho I'm incompetent in the conversation as I just sound dumb or as tho I have a delay reaction or something.
I don't like to think hard on stuff like I used to as making decisions etc is very tiring for me. Making decisions is very difficult and my mind is constantly blank.
I am almost never really enjoying 'the moment' as I'm constantly thinking of my future, money, and my success and what I'm becoming or NOT becoming.
I feel like I got my hopes up for nothing thinking I'd be able to turn things around this time and ended up in the same exact position I was in in 2021.
I'm interested in packaging desigh, branding and marketing, mostly the strategic part of graphic design really. The execution part of things doesn't really interest me much even tho I can do it. I have created mockupems etc in a good while. 2021 was the last time I did anything graphic design related. That's where the spark is at for me.
TLDR: i don't think I'm gonna be able to work on my diploma project and on top of that i have an internship to do next month and I haven't sorted the paperwork as yet even tho I got good responses from great companies who are willing to let me intern with them. Any advice is welcome, criticism as well, I'll take it all.