I started at a new job about 6 months ago. My first job out of grad school, I work in a school. I have to be to work in an hour and I find myself, like I do quite often, crying like a little bitch! I have a feeling of dread having to go to this place every day. I am terrified to speak up because I don’t know if my work problems aren’t serious enough to be considered.
Long story short, when I got hired I was shown the office of the person I would be replacing. It had a window and that’s all I needed, so I was happy. It was in an office suite with many people. On the first day of orientation, one of my new supervisors (also new), excitedly showed me to my office. This office was not the one I was initially shown. It was the office assigned to my supervisor, though since he got there earlier than me this summer to orient, he switched our offices. He does not know that I had already been shown my office (his new office). I didn’t speak up because I had fear. I’ve always been told I need to do everything I can to ensure I get tenure. Anyways, my new office has no windows, and it is in a faraway corner in the school. I try to get out of it a lot, but I can tell this is wearing on my mental health. Lately I can’t sleep, and my anxiety is causing physical symptoms. I have very little guidance, and I am very isolated. I have no idea if I have a leg to stand on asking for a new office.
This is so pathetic but many days, I hide in a corner of my office where I can’t be seen, and I cry. I feel helpless. People aren’t very nice. I don’t get asked for support in situations where I am needed (they call someone who has been there longer, but have her cover my grade level). I wasn’t even given a chance to show my competence. Also, the man who is in my original office cannot be bothered to learn my name, so he constantly calls me the name of another person who barely look like me (same hair color, both female).
This is the first time I’ve posted here. I hope it isn’t irrelevant. I just feel like I am slowly losing my grip on life here. I spent so many years in grad school and I feel like i’m living a nightmare.