I was fired for the fourth time yesterday and I can't help thinking it can't be bad luck because it's happened so many times.
Here's a history:
First time I got fired (technically I was let go, as I didn't pass probation): I was hired for a role that was too senior for me and I was in over my head. They could see that I was struggling and actually extended my probation period to give me more time to improve. I had relocated to a different city for this job, I was alone and I didn't have a support network, plus it was during a really cold and rainy part of the year and the weather was making me really depressed. My mental health wasn't great but I kept trying. I suppose that wasn't enough. The underlying problem is I wasn't experienced/knowledgeable enough for the role and I don't think I should have been hired in the first place.
Second time I technically wasn't fired: I was offered a role from a similar company shortly after I was let go from the previous role. When they found out I didn't pass probation in my previous role, they decided to offer me a 6 month contract rather than a permanent role. Effectively this was their way of putting me on a trial period. Again, I struggled in the role. One of the managers thought I was too slow and there were certain metrics I didn't meet (you have to spend a certain percentage of time doing billable work and I couldn't meet that). They didn't renew my contract but they were nice about it and the department head actually came and apologised to me for what he thought was a bad hiring decision.
Third time I was let go I have as given the option of resigning， which I did, and worked through my notice period of 4 weeks. The boss was pretty nice about it (though it was a bit awkward at the end). My performance had been slipping as I was suffering from depression. I had been getting counselling and started taking medication but it didn't really improve my performance. It didn't help that I didn't like the job and was really struggling to stay motivated. (I have nothing against this particular job, it's just my personal issues wee impacting my performance. Later my boss actually asked me to come back but I said no because I couldn't see myself working there again after I was asked to resign).
The fourth and last time was yesterday. It was a government call centre role which was completely fine until less than 2 weeks ago and I moved to a new team. I didn't realise the new team leader was a bitch who wanted an obedient robot. I never even saw her the first week in the new team and the second week she asks for a meeting and tells me I did something wrong (which I didn't). She was being condescending and accusing me of having behavioural issues (this was after I had worked with 2 other team leaders with no issues). She then gets her manager to talk to me. I explained what happened but he decided to terminate my contract on the spot. Honestly I think the decision had been made and there was nothing I could have said to change anything. I did tell my team leader I didn't appreciate her being condescending to me but I guess she didn't like that. The way she talked to me was like a teacher talking to a student not another adult. I didn't think whatever mistake I made was grounds for dismissal and unexpected the call centre manager to be more reasonable, but he was parroted whatever she said about my “behavioural issues”. Clearly they're cut from the same cloth. Ironically, he apologised for the previous two team leaders for not being “strict enough”, which is complete BS. They were simply nice people who treated us like human beings and didn't nitpick on everything we did. I guess the only mistake I made was thinking that this was the norm across the organisation. Clearly I was wrong.
Anyway I didn't enjoy the role anyway as it had nothing to do with my professional qualifications, but I'm just worried that I'm doomed to the same fate in any future jobs. I seem to have issues with working within a hierarchy. I am not good at appeasement, and I'm not good at tolerating bullies who need to feel like they have power over others. It seems like you need these qualities to stay employed. Isn't there a better way to make a living? I don't think I could spend the rest of my working life pleasing people who obviously don't give a shit about me. I'm not naturally submissive and it always felt wrong. I was bullied/abused by my parents as well (when I was younger) because they are the sort of people who expect absolute obedience and appeasement and see any sort of pushback as an insult. Plus, they were also bottom feeders in their own work hierarchies so I guess that's how they are used to being treated.
Is there any hope for me? I have a mortgage and I have to work so I can pay it off. I just need something tolerable where I can be treated like a human being.