I was channel surfing the other day and just happened upon CSPAN's Starbucks hearing in the Senate. I used to have a vague admiration for Ron Paul, who spoke out against interventionist foreign policy and government waste. I thought his son Rand Paul would be somewhat on the level. Boy was I wrong. I really couldn't believe how somebody could turn a hearing about how Starbucks was BREAKING THE LAW BY UNION-BUSTING into a celebration of capitalism. Here's a condensed transcript of his smug speech:
THOUSANDS OF YEARS AGO, THE FIRST MAN DISCOVERED HOW TO MAKE FIRE. HE WAS PROBABLY BURNED AT THE STAKE HE TAUGHT THE OTHERS TO LIGHT. BUT HE LEFT THEM A GIFT THAT HAD NOT BEEN CONCEIVED, AND HE LIFTED DARKNESS FOR THE FACE OF THE EARTH. NOW, STARBUCKS DIDN'T EXACTLY DISCOVER FIRE. BUT STARBUCKS DID SOMEHOW, SOMEWHERE DISCOVER IN THE DEPTHS OF MAN'S SOUL, THAT HE WOULD PAY AS MUCH FOR A DOUBLE MOCHA LATTE AS HE ONCE DID FOR A WEEK'S WORTH OF COFFEE. …WHO KNEW PEOPLE WOULD PAY SIX BUCKS FOR A CUP OF COFFEE? BUT I DIGRESS. CONVINCING THE PUBLIC TO BUY VERY EXPENSIVE COFFEE IS NOT THE DISCOVERY OF FIRE, BUT STILL IT DESERVES RESPECT. INSTEAD, CONGRESS CONVENES TODAY, NOT TO PRAISE STARBUCKS, BUT TO BURY THEM. THE HEARING TODAY IS CONVENED TO ATTACK A PRIVATE COMPANY FOR ITS SUCCESS. …FOR ME, I SEE THE FABULOUS SUCCESS OF STARBUCKS AND I UNDERSTAND THAT THE LUXURY TO SPEND AN EXTRAORDINARY AMOUNT OF MONEY FOR A CUP OF COFFEE IS A TESTAMENT TO CAPITALISM. IT'S A TESTAMENT TO THE FACT THAT WE HAVE ENOUGH MONEY THAT WE CAN DO THAT. WHEN I WALK IN STARBUCKS, I DON'T SEE BILLIONAIRES BUYING COFFEE. I SEE EVERYONE, FROM TOP TO BOTTOM PAYING FOR THEIR COFFEE, BECAUSE THEY'VE DECIDED THE QUALITY IS WORTH IT. BUT I DON'T WANT TO BE PART OF ANY WITCH HUNT THAT VILIFIES ANY AMERICAN BUSINESS. SO COUNT ME OUT. COUNT ME AS ONE WHO IS ECSTATIC THAT STARBUCKS IS AN AMERICAN SUCCESS STORY, AND I WILL HAVE NO PART IN TRASHING THEIR SUCCESS.
No, you smarmy bootlicker. This is not “trashing their success”. This is about Starbucks breaking the law. This is about people getting screwed over by laws that no longer work to rein in corporations gone amok. This is about not regressing to fucking company towns, private police forces killing workers, and turning the dial back into serfdom.
Fuck Rand Paul. Fuck every libertarian taint-licker who spreads corporate propaganda about how “free enterprise” will solve humanity's problems, when what they're really saying is to give corporations free rein to do whatever the hell they want to workers, society, and the planet.