My job is killing me by inches. It’s got me so stressed and upset, every day is some new crisis. I’ve been yelled at for things I have no control over and when I took a vacation I came back to find a pile of undone work on my desk because apparently if I’m not there this shit just won’t get done.
At the same time, I am lucky in that I’ve ended up with a financial windfall that would allow me to quit point blank. I could walk out the door whenever I want to and be safe for as long as it took to find a better job, or even pursue my own project that I’ve been working on when work hadn’t sucked all my soul out for the day.
But here’s the fucking kicker; as much as I want to and can leave, I find myself stalling. I look at everyone’s vacation and try to think of the best timing so that they can replace me without too much hassle. I wonder if it would be better if I switched to part time work there and maybe that would help. I think about the times my manager has been friendly to me rather than an asshole and I don’t want to put more work on their plate.
I know I am fundamentally attributing a humanity and kindness to my higher ups that they do not have for me. I need a verbal kick in the pants about this, and so I turn to you, denizens of antiwork, to snap me out of whatever this bullshit is that has me in its clutches.