This is kind of a long rant, so if it’s not allowed feel free to have this deleted. I honestly just don’t know where else to vent that would even understand.
I’m two years shy of turning 30 and have a toddler with another on the way. We live with my fiancé in our first apartment and at this point we’re just struggling so badly that I feel like an utter failure. Where we live right now is very, very expensive and our rent recently went up as well as borough utilities. My fiancé makes on the upwards of 22-23 an hour, which I know should be considered a lot. I had a full time job up till March and was laid off after being refused my FMLA accommodations after having put my time in. We were honestly doing pretty okay, we were paying everything on time, and could actually afford to eat and not drive ourselves crazy. I wasn’t making too much at the time of course, but it was more than enough to help us get by without the struggles of what we’re facing now.
We have been late on rent now twice this summer, and even though I have discussed it all with my landlord and he’s been very understanding I feel like I really went somewhere wrong in life and have been trying to pick up as many hours as I can to even scrape by to help my fiancé out. Because in all honesty my having lost my job earlier this year really hurt us. We’re meant to be getting ready for our second baby in less than a month, and that excitement and hopefulness we had when we first found to to now is gone. I’m anxious afraid of us being out on the street and I don’t know what else to do. I’ve picked up a side gig online, but it’s not enough and this month’s rent is going to be late almost 2 weeks. Our families are very disappointed and I know maybe I should have tried to further my education by getting my master’s or something. We would have loved to get out of this area because it’s so expensive with little room for opportunity for what we both want to support our families, but I’m honestly afraid and just overall angry that people our age are even in situations like this. I do blame myself for not having tried to at least save more money before I lost my full time job, but it’s too late to undo that damage and I’m just maybe looking to hear from others who might possibly be in a similar boat. It makes me feel so ashamed and guilty that even though my fiancé and I had wonderful childhoods and never used to have to worry about money as kids, now it’s an every day issue that we can’t escape and I feel helpless since I’m so far along in my pregnancy.
At the least I wish workplaces in my area paid better and offered better benefits. The only reason we haven’t married yet is because my son and I still need to stay on state insurance until my current job can move me full time and I can apply for their insurance.
If you made it this far honestly I appreciate your taking the time to read about my issues. I understand i probably am to blame for this financial situation my family is in. My kids don’t deserve to miss out on opportunities or go hungry. It isn’t fair. I feel so angry that I lost my job that happened to be on my old college campus ten minutes away and now I can’t even work to my potential until after we have our second baby. If two full-time incomes weren’t enough before, one and a part-time are definitely nowhere near enough now! I’m open to any suggestions any of you might have, and just want to keep moving forward to do what I have to do for my family.