I got caught in a shit storm at work because my previous boss gave our department wrong instructions.
I received a public dressing down by upper management on the company wide message board with my entire department and manager dragged into it. My coworkers were weighing in on why they thought I was wrong. MY immediate boss supported my decisions. The executive was angry and making threats that heads were going to roll — over something that wasn’t communicated properly and was not in written policy.
I am innocent in this but couldn’t really defend it because it was just going to make it worse so I said nothing beyond that was what I was instructed to do. Even if I had majorly fucked up, like why do we “get in trouble” at work and dragged in front of the class to be scolded like naughty toddlers?
I constantly feel humiliated when this occurs and it ruins me for days. After a lifetime of shit like this in the job market, I just spiral after a mistake. I have cried more in my professional life than my personal over crap like this.
Yeah, I know I shouldn’t care about it. I should just let it roll off my back. Part of me knows that no one’s life depends on my job and it’s all bullshit. But it’s like I have workplace PTSD.
I am tired of living in fear of making a mistake or having to defend my work.
My job is HIGHLY subjective, so it’s the equivalent of answering the question of, “Out of 200 projects you touch a day, why did you choose pink instead of blue for this one three days ago? I chose blue.” Then I have to explain and defend on something I can’t even remember seeing. This is almost a daily occurrence.
And the thing is that this shit would happen no matter where I work. I actually enjoy my work except for this part of it.
I so desperately want to learn not to let this bother me, to stop caring about being humiliated in front of my coworkers. I don’t mind working, I just don’t want to have a job any more.