I'm sorry if this is the wrong subreddit for this. I want to remain anonymous, but I would like to vent my gripes and look for solutions to my current work situation.
For context, I am a freelance composer. Last year I worked part time using the degree I got in college, then I quit and did music full time, and now this year due to monetary concerns, I work part time at a retail job to make ends meet.
I think a lot of my peers would consider me a successful musician given that I have had several works published that have gained some traction. I don't get enough regular clients to pay the bills, but I do get cold called from time to time. I have made a decent amount of money from music but it's inconsistent and all of it has dwindled into rent money.
I should be happy with this, but I'm not. I now have just enough money working this retail job to make rent and not dip into my savings, but I question every day whether I should just give up my dream and do full time work again to get money. My savings isn't growing. I feel like I'm wasting my time a bit. However I hate working full time in anything that's not music, seriously. Nothing fulfills me because any time I'm not doing music I'd rather just be doing that.
It's such a difficult situation, because I absolutely love my part time job, but even working that I feel like I barely have time for my music anymore. Not even enough to finish a lot of projects, so I feel like either way I'm giving up on music. I just wish I had enough money to follow my dream and not have to worry about working full time at something that doesn't fulfill me. All this talent and hard work worth nothing to anyone but me in the real world. I really should've developed a love for technology or some other high paying job so I could feel fulfilled that way.
I feel genuine sympathy for any other artists out there who are talented and have to quit their dream just for money. The world would have so many better artists if it allowed for them to pursue their love.