I'm sorry that this is long. I posted a little about my situation in the r/librarians subreddit, where I was a little more specific about job duties. A lot of people there assured me that I do have the skills to get another job, but I'm not so sure. So in this post I'm going to give the story of how I got in a job where I do nothing, with no skills to show for it.
After getting my Master's degree in Library Science (aka MLS, the degree you need to be a librarian) I worked in part-time library jobs for a few years. Eventually, in 2008, I got a full-time job. Not at a library itself, but at a non-profit organization that provided services to libraries, such as professional conferences, training workshops, shared services, etc.
I was hired to manage a statewide program where libraries would use a chat software on their website to answer questions for users. (It was a “cooperative” program where libraries would help each other and answer questions for other libraries' users.) My boss trained me in the software, showed how everything worked, and explained what I'd need to do – managing the shift schedule, training new participants on the software, etc. After a few weeks, there was a day where I felt like I was caught up in everything and wasn't sure what else I should do. So I sent an email to my boss, where I remember I used the words “I've run out of things to do” and asked if she needed me to help her with anything.
Well. She really let me have it. I don't remember the exact words she used, but my main takeaway was that I should not be asking her that. As a professional adult, I should never be without something to do, and if I'm all caught up, then I should figure out what else needs to be done. A few weeks later, at my 90-day performance review, I got a mostly good review, except for that incident, which my boss brought up again.
So my main takeaway from there was, if I'm ever unsure about what to do at my job, never admit it.
I stayed at that job for about 10 years, and eventually left due to toxic management (my old manager was gone by that time). I realized that a lot of my experience was of a “project management” type, not easily transferable to actual libraries. In 2018, I got a job at a college library. And I think a lot of the reason I got hired was, several of the people at this library knew me from my work at the non-profit, as they had been involved in many of our programs.
I was hired to do “outreach” which I was told would involve planning library events, doing all the social media, and sometimes teaching one-off lessons to classes that came to the library. On my first day, my boss gave me a tour of the building and showed me my office. Then she said, “Since it's been a few weeks since your interview, I'm sure you've had time to think about what you're going to be doing, right?” I hesitantly said, “Uh, yeah, I guess so.” She said, “Great! Well then I'll leave you to it!” And she sent me to my office to get started. I had no idea what I was supposed to be doing. I didn't know what kind of events I was supposed to plan, or what was the procedure for setting them up, or what kind of events we were already doing. But remembering that I shouldn't ask her for help, I decided to try my best to figure it out. So I started looking at the social media profiles we already had and made notes on what kind of posts I should be doing.
And for the next 2 years, that's kind of how it went. I just tried to do the best I could. Except half of the events/activities were vetoed by my boss for “reasons” and then I would have to figure something else out. For a while I started doing book displays, which gave me something to do. Then my boss asked me for a report on how many of the displayed books were actually being borrowed. My report showed that not many of them were borrowed. So she immediately told me to stop doing the displays, as it wasn't a good use of my time, but never told me what else *would* be a good use of my time.
Later, due to the covid lockdowns and losing some staff members, outreach was reduced and I was transferred to another department with a new boss. So I thought, great, I'll finally get some stuff to do. My current boss is in charge of purchasing new books for the library, cataloging them, managing subscriptions for our electronic databases, and doing interlibrary loan. When I first started, she said she didn't have time to train me, so I could continue to help my old boss with some outreach stuff. Which I did occasionally.
And I was doing some other stuff at this point, like making videos for our YouTube channel, and sort of being the de facto “tech support” person when either a student or a coworker had technical issues they needed help with. Every once in a while I would ask my boss if she could train me to help with the cataloging, but she always said she never had time. She did train me in interlibrary loan, but since another co-worker was mainly doing that, I rarely got the opportunity to actually do it myself, unless she was out sick or on vacation.
So right now at my job, I spend a lot of time goofing off. In a 35-hour week, I probably do about 5 hours of work. Every once in a while I try to ask my boss if there's anything she wants me to help her with, and she always says no. I always try to phrase it carefully, such as, “I'm working on X and Y now, but they aren't very time-sensitive, so is there anything more important you'd like me to do?” Or whenever she complains about being busy, which is often, I always say “I can help you if there's anything you want me to do” and she almost always declines. On rare occasions, she will give me a one-off task to help her with a specific thing she's doing.
So I guess I was lucky in that I make good money to goof around all day looking at Reddit and Facebook. Until I needed to look for another job. A year and a half ago, I got engaged to my fiance who lives in another state. For various reasons involving family drama, I need to be the one to move to his location. So I've been trying to find a job over there for 18 months, with no luck. I realize now I have no transferable skills. All I do in my current job is make YouTube videos, and staff the reference desk where I help people with research or answer questions about how to use the printer.
A lot of people on r/librarians have said that part of my difficulty is that I don't live in that area yet, and that if I move in with him, even though finances will be tight at first, I will probably have an easier time getting a job. I'm sure that's part of it, but the other part is that I have no skills. I've been at this library for 5 years and I don't know how to do anything that I didn't already know before. Anyone can make YouTube videos or sit at a desk waiting for people to ask them questions. That's why nobody will hire me.
Last year I applied for a library job that involved managing the library's subscriptions to databases and electronic journals. Basically what my boss does. I tried applying anyway, got through a Zoom interview and an in-person interview, only to be denied because they told me they were looking for someone with “expert knowledge” in this area, which I don't have.
Last week, my boss, who knows that I'm planning to move, told me, “Hey, I found a job ad in [other state] that you might want to apply for.” She sent it to me, and again, it was basically *her* job. So I told her, “Well, thanks, but I don't really know how to do any of this stuff. I don't really manage the subscriptions, that's what you do.” She seemed a little surprised, and I don't know why. SHE'S my boss. She has never showed me how to do any of this stuff, or let me help her whenever I tried to ask.
Also last week, we got a new employee, a part-time student assistant who is mainly going to be packaging and mailing books for interlibrary loan. My boss was introducing her to my co-worker, “That's Kate, she does most of the interlibrary loan processing.” Then she got to me: “And that's Ashley. She…uh…kinda does her own thing.” So she basically admitted that she doesn't know what I do.
The wedding is in 2 months. In talking about it with my fiance, we decided that I'll move in with him then, even if I don't have a job by then. And hopefully being in the area will improve my chances. But I doubt it. I just don't know what to do.
I just feel so worthless. I know that 5 years ago with my first boss (and 3 years ago with my second boss) I should have spoken up and tried to get some training/clarification in what I was supposed to do, and I didn't. So now I'm a 45 year old who doesn't know how to do anything but make YouTube videos or answer questions at a reference desk. Anyone could do this. You don't need a Master's degree for what I do. I feel like such an asshole that I make pretty good money to do nothing, while my coworker Kate, who actually does most of the interlibrary loan stuff, makes about $16 an hour (because she doesn't have a degree).
I know this situation is my fault, but I'm hoping someone here may have some other suggestions on what to do. I thought about asking my boss if she could just let me shadow her during these final 2 months while she does some of her regular duties, so at least I could learn a little bit about cataloging and managing database subscriptions. But she'll probably say no. After all, it's not her responsibility to train me for future job prospects.
In the meantime, I'm applying for every job I can. This includes library jobs and also non-library jobs that sort of involve things I know how to do. I've applied for entry level library jobs, and part-time library jobs, and library jobs that don't require a masters degree, paying $16 like my coworker makes. I've had only a couple of interviews and not one job offer.
I'm going to try and get some certification in project management, since that sort of relates to what I used to do at the non-profit. Other than that, I'm just trying to brainstorm ways that I can maybe get trained in something else.
I know I'm an asshole for letting it get this far. I should have taken more initiative to learn how to do something useful, and what's happening now is my own fault. I'm just hoping somebody may have some suggestions on how to dig my way out of this hole.