Maybe this is because I have normal depression.
Disclaimer: I don't have a problem with the company, manager, or co-workers. I mostly enjoy my new job.
I hate working. Always have and probably always will. Even when I was doing what I was passionate about (early education) I hated it. Now, I'm in retail and probably hate it more than preschool. Being around the public is so draining. Acting happy and always having to be “on” is so draining. Making 12/hr and working less than 10 hours a week is just…
Today, I sold my first credit card. This is supposed to be an exciting time (for the company lol). I'll admit, I was happy about it for a little while. Now that I'm at home reevaluating, I don't care and I wonder if my manager actually cares too. Like, okay, we sold some credit cards today. Who cares? I have a life, a family, and dreams, and idc about this at all. It's pointless to me. Now to mention how passive-aggressive the lady was. I entered her address incorrectly (I think I have a processing disorder. I tend to type in things wrong all the time) and she was like, “This is taking forever. You got this all wrong.” blah blah. I was literally shaking and idky. I wasn't scared, just annoyed and unhappy I guess.
Anyways, I hate working. It's unnatural to us. Sadly, if I don't work and help out my mom, we'll be homeless. We literally have to pay to live here and I hate it. I just get so into my feelings when the slightest problem(s) comes up. I want to be out there in the woods seeing nature, learning things. I don't wanna be here working doe peanuts. Idk how bad the past was, I wish we still lived like apes lmao.
TL;DR I wish I wasn't wasting my time. Is this it? We work then die? That's all? We can't go out and live, see things, meet people?