I'm in the midst of some health issues that are going to take me out of work for a bit. I'm also have financial issues and car issues. Needless to say, I'm stressed at the moment. I'm trying to put on a brave face and smile and be bubbly because the customers love that. I want to work well and go home. That's it.
I have a good relationship with a few coworkers and we joke and chit chat here and there. I don't talk more than they do. They don't talk more than I do. It's a neutral flow of conversation and information.
I came in today and my supervisor pulled me aside and said that “me need to comment on everything” annoyed the manager so much the other day that I was almost sent home for it. I was blindsided. My supervisor also said I was annoying her.
It hurt my feelings really badly because I'm just trying to be there for my coworkers and be present in communication so I don't seem uninterested, distant, or unapproachable (things I've been reprimanded for in the past) I also just really like my coworkers.
I got all my work done, returned all missed calls, did all my duties, and more. My ability to work and getting the job done is not a problem for me.
What also hurt me was that my manager wasn't even on the floor that day, so how did she know what I was saying? I know she keeps her door open, so maybe she just heard us. But still… I wish she'd just told me herself rather than sending someone else.
I'm feeling increasingly alienated, overlooked, and ignored. I'm getting my ass chewed for things I have no control over, like not having access to a program and the admin doing nothing about it when I asked seven times. I was told to leave the manager alone, so I did, and tried to handle it myself, but then got in trouble for not saying anything.
I got in trouble for not asking another co-worker to handle something when I was explicitly told they were too busy and needed to complete their work as a priority.
I have also been privy to some ugly and offensive comments about minorities, the homeless, and LGBTQ+ people. I was religiously attacked twice for my stances.
I haven't said anything because I know it will come back to bite me.
I want to transfer from my area to another one when I can. I just hope that I actually can because it's obvious that I don't fit in and that I'm not welcomed.
I can't quit my job. I have to have healthcare right now. There also isn't anything else nearby that pays enough to live on because I'm in a low income, rural area that's a bit of a job desert.
This happens to me a lot. I'm either condescending and unapproachable or I'm annoying and talk too much.
I know if it smells like shit everywhere you go you should check your shoe, but I have tried to recondition myself to be more cheerful and likeable and I have tried to integrate into this work place.
I feel like I have a spotlight on me. The higher ups speak to me far more harshly than they do other older coworkers. I feel like it's because of my age. I never fight back because everything in the past I've stood up for myself, it's ended horribly. I just nod my head, hold back tears, and apologize. It's the only way I know I'll have a job and healthcare tomorrow.
I'm not a bad person. I'm sure I'm actually a lot like everyone else if they gave me a chance. I'm positive we'd have commonalities like music and movies and love of clothes and shoes and makeup.
I don't know what it is about me that makes me so… Divisive. I'm honest, I'm open, I always jump to help others. I know I'm not exactly what most southerns would think I am, but I wouldn't hurt a fly.
If it's religion or beliefs, that's a goofy thing to get hung up on. My difference don't make me a different person than I was 20 minutes before you knew about that haha
I'm just sad. And hurt. I look up to my manager. Oh well. Sometimes you think you have a great opportunity and it just kinda… Dissolves. I'm used to that. I have lots of dead dreams.
I told my husband that a wish doesn't want to be my dream in the same way no one wants to be Chris Redfield's teammate, because they'll end up dead haha
Ah… Anyway. Huh. I wonder if this is how it's going to be for the rest of my life. I hope not.