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ask for advice ! balancing two jobs, stress, etc (very long but there is a tl;dr)

Hi Anti-Work, I’m not sure what to do right now. I (F24) currently work at a small boutique-y business (pays $17/hr) that opened in Summer 2021. I have been employed there since the day it opened. I don’t think I have ever called out (with a single exception of getting covid last summer). I am by far the most responsible employee (in terms of upkeep of the store, and other duties). I do occasionally struggle with timeliness but I’ve never been more than 10 minutes late. At the time of opening the staff consisted of the owner, myself, another girl that was in college, and a high school student (I’ll call her Amy). Shifts were split pretty evenly between myself and the other college girl, with Amy occasionally working a the same time or after school hours. There was a pretty great balance between us regarding shift covering – which…


Hi Anti-Work, I’m not sure what to do right now. I (F24) currently work at a small boutique-y business (pays $17/hr) that opened in Summer 2021. I have been employed there since the day it opened. I don’t think I have ever called out (with a single exception of getting covid last summer). I am by far the most responsible employee (in terms of upkeep of the store, and other duties). I do occasionally struggle with timeliness but I’ve never been more than 10 minutes late.

At the time of opening the staff consisted of the owner, myself, another girl that was in college, and a high school student (I’ll call her Amy). Shifts were split pretty evenly between myself and the other college girl, with Amy occasionally working a the same time or after school hours. There was a pretty great balance between us regarding shift covering – which is my main issue now. Last summer my boss had hired another grad student for some extra help, which was really helpful too. At the end of August 2022, both the grad student and the other college girl moved away – so the staff was reduced to myself, Amy, and my boss. This still worked out well because I ended up shouldering the hours (~35 a week), but I was graduated from school by then and was not doing much of anything outside of work so I was happy to be in that position. Since then, I have become the equivalent of a store manager – working 4-5 days a week (we are only open 6), placing some orders and processing most once they arrive, maintaining the store, editing the store website etc. There were talks of me getting a raise towards the end of 2022, but I am much too shy to have followed up on that – and Jan-early April of 2023 were dead slow so I felt awful just thinking about asking for one when I knew my boss was having a hard time with cash flow. The pace is generally very casual at the store too, but it can get overwhelming at times because typically only one person is working (which also means no breaks, but traffic lulls enough to where there won’t be anyone in the store for quite some time.. so I don’t mind this).

Fast forward to today/Spring 2023. I recently accepted a temporary “summer” (April-November) position in a field that directly relates to my degree (a very overdue change of pace for me that I was ecstatic about- pays $17.5/hr). I had the opportunity to work from 2-5 days a week at this job, but due to my loyalty to my current job I chose to only work 2 (same days each week for scheduling ease) at Job #2. Week two of working both jobs has just passed and I am exhausted, both physically and mentally. Starting last week – I worked my two days at Job #2 and then the following 4 at Job #1, had a one day break, worked two days at Job #2 and then the following 3 at Job #1. My new job is essentially 7.5 hours of outdoor manual labor (7a-3:30p with two half hour breaks) – and while I do love it wholeheartedly, I am not at all used to manual labor or early mornings which has completely drained my energy. After week 2 day 2 of job 2, my lower back/forearm muscles and hamstrings were so sore that I couldn’t bend to pick something off the floor without audibly gasping. I also have pretty severe seasonal allergies and working outside has not helped that (I know, I know, I knew what I was getting into in that aspect!).

Unfortunately for me, Amy has recently started a new job as well. She typically worked Sundays, but is only able to ~once a month now, and her general availability is pretty scattered due to still being in school during the week. Before this, the schedule was generally:

Sunday – Amy

Monday – closed

Tuesday – Me

Wednesday – Split between either my boss or I and Amy (ie one opens one closes)

Thursday – Split between my boss and I (she opens I close)

Friday – Me

Saturday – Me

Now it has generally been my boss Tues/Weds (latter split with Amy), and me Thurs-Sun. I most definitely cannot handle a six-day work week (pathetic, I know! I used to work 40 hours a week while being a full time college student, I wish I still had that energy), and at this point (while I am not adjusted sleep-wise or muscle-wise to my new job) I don’t think I can even do five. I don’t know how to express this to my boss respectfully, and I feel awful about it due to her dependency on me (she also has three young kids to factor in that she has to pick up from school and sports etc because her husband works full time).

Alongside of this need for less hours, I have become pretty frustrated with my ability to request days off. I never take big trips – only 3-4 day visits to see my parents out of state 2-3 times a year. 90% of the time I make my requests at least two weeks (or more) in advance. My boss rarely has more than the next week’s schedule out at a time, at most she will have the current week and two weeks following it published. I recently requested two different Saturdays in May off, but were immediately denied because Amy’s availability is already set in stone through the whole summer. I am really gutted to have to miss the things I wanted to do those days (and just feel a bit disrespected by the situation), and while my boss offered to adjust store hours (ie open or close an hour later/earlier), I declined because that doesn’t really help me. Also, since the team was reduced to 3, I haven’t been able to swap shifts (Amy and boss are rarely free) or call out for the day (I don’t think I have been sick, but I would probably go to work sick if I were).

Additional points to conclude with: Despite it all, I have a pretty good gig here. I work best alone, enjoy the clientele (for the most part, but that’s a story for another day), and appreciate my store discount for household necessities. I don’t really want to quit because of these reasons, and I don’t want to ruin the relationship I have with my boss. I respect her and want to see her business succeed. I have definitely thought about quitting and could likely find another job of the same caliber relatively easily, but I’m not sure if that would be in my best interest. I could quit and adjust my schedule at job 2 to four days a week, but the temporary nature of the position (there is a limit of days that I can work in the year as a temp) would make me hesitant to depend on that. Also, my boss has entertained the idea of hiring someone for the summer which would solve this, but I think she is hesitant due to the really rough $$ start the store had to the year.

TL;DR I am an employee at a small (3 person) business, and am the employee with the most responsibilty. I recently accepted a temporary job related to my degree that pays marginally more but already have found myself struggling to balance both jobs. I am physically/mentally exhausted, and my new job involves hours of outdoor manual labor, which I am not used to. I am finding it difficult to request time off at my OG job and am frustrated with the scheduling because my other coworker’s availability is submitted for the next four months and therefore trumps my requests. I am struggling to find a way to ask my boss for fewer hours to combat this. I don't want to quit because I enjoy the job, but I’m also not sure if it's in my best interest to stay. I’m also hesitant to ask for fewer hours because my boss is dependent on me.

Any advice on how to address these things is appreciated. TYIA <3

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