There is no rhyme or reason to any of this. Just my thoughts spilling. If it's not allowed you can delete it, no hard feelings. I truly keep wondering how long I can keep adhering to the life this capitalist society has made me live.
I am in my mid 20s and work a fairly stress free 40 hour a week job, but the pay is garbage. All of the health benefits are being taken by people in their literal 70s and 80s who do nothing yet refuse to retire and let the state pay for their health care. So I don't have health care and just barely don't qualify for Medicaid. I come out even every single month. Exactly half goes towards bills and half replaces the money that I just lost to bills so my bank stays stagnant. I know that is a blessing because some people make less than they pay in bills each month but for someone who really wants to save it's disheartening. I also reside in in a state which is not financially livable At. All. My spouse and I have plans to relocate to a much more sustainable state in the next few years but how the heck can we do that if we can't save?
I just want to live my life. I do not want to work. I have everything about it. I hate that my mind is exploding with creative ideas, with aspirations to do what I wanna do, but things like marketing and print on demand and Etsy are so oversaturated and competitive and the thought of jumping into that creates more stress than it would take away. I am so young and it fills me with dread to think of working a normal 9-5 for the rest of my life. I have so much more color bursting inside me and feel so very black and white. There is also so much judgement from boomers above me (sorry to use that word, idk how else to explain it lol). My partners parents especially. They tell us we can't be tired because working is just part of life. My partners mom says we can't complain about our job because her dad works outside all day and doesn't complain. He decided to do that. And he thinks it makes him more manly to not complain or use his sick days and that's on him. I have no aspirations to be like that at all. But there is no other option. How in the hell do I find peace in this life that doesn't even feel like mine