Honestly this entire past month I’ve just been re-evaluating everything in my life. So I’m just gonna rant and then just crawl in a hole and die cause honestly I want off this cycle of jumping through jobs. Sorry if this is just a long rambling mess cause it is.
I just feel like I screwed myself. I work in healthcare, and the job that I do I don’t necessarily hate too much. It also was a PRN position with the guaranteed 36 hours that I wanted. I really thought I was going to stick there for a while going through college. This last month, that job got an absolutely psychotic disrespectful micromanager, who honestly isn’t leaving anytime soon. But I’m not staying there, I put my 2 weeks in cause honestly I’ve been more stressed than I’ve ever been last month than the rest of the time I was there. It’s sad, it WAS a good facility and I was in a good position logically. I landed another PRN position at an essentially better facility, but I’m only really gonna get 24 hours out of it, and i really don’t know what the fuck I’m gonna do. I’ve tried begging for more hours and the manager is really nice and she said she could try seeing if the other facilities will have the hours that I’ll need and float there to help out, but man honestly I’m not even tryna do all that. Obviously I’m gonna have to though. It just sucks because I’ve been in this job for a minute now, I’ve gained all this experience and essentially had the perfect gig at this other facility but lo and behold it just had to become toxic. I’m not sacrificing my mental health to work in a toxic environment. But now I’ve traded that off with now I need to worry if I’m gonna have enough hours to make rent. Plus with this being a healthcare job, gaining the experience I have, and being PRN, I’ve been picky with what I want. Essentially I want 3-12s overnight. The last facility gave that to me. This facility can give me only about 1-2. And honestly, working 3-12s has changed my life. I honestly couldn’t be happier (up until last month lol). Of course with that extra time I’ve actually been able to do shit and make moves that actually matter to me and I haven’t really had to worry about money too bad this past year.
Now I feel like with all the decisions I’ve made recently I kind of just wanna off myself cause i really don’t wanna have to go back to the grind of 5-8s or some shit. And honestly for all these other facilities in the area that’s all they offer. Like I know I gave up something good but I also know I can’t work for that psychotic woman. I have a few backup plans if this really just ends up being unsustainable for me, but none of them are too great and will honestly just cause me to spend more time focusing on work than I’d like to. I know I sound picky, I know I should just suck it up and just either quit or get a second job or cop out and go back to 5-8s, but my original plan was to not stay in this job forever anyway. Like I don’t even know, I feel so dead inside. I know I’m an idiot. I’m burnt out from last month and that psychotic micromanager. I think I’m burnt out from this job in general because of that. But most of all, i honestly feel stupid for uprooting what essentially was the perfect gig for me, for the sake of not wanting to endure a toxic work environment anymore. I know I made the right choice, but it doesn’t feel like the right choice. I’ve honestly cried about how the rest of this year’s gonna go. But I’m just gonna go figure it out I guess. I’m probably gonna cry about it later honestly.
If you’ve read all of this, thank you. I know it was just a long rant. I really just needed to get this out. If anyone has any advice, that would be wonderful.
PS: the job is sterile processing. A good entry-level healthcare job depending on your area in the US. Some states and cities pay like shit but my area’s rate isn’t too bad.