I need advice. I work as a tutor for kids but my parents want me to get a 9-5 and career. My parents are literally begging me to start any online course to advance skills, anything I like.
The problem is, I’m getting extreme anxiety about starting any course. My heartbeat speeds up, i want to cry. I never wanted a career, everything is boring and the stuff i like don’t pay me a livable wage. I have a bachelors degree but everyone makes fun of it. I would literally have to sell my soul and work in a career I don’t like so i can earn a higher wage.
I’ve had this anxiety for 6 years and I’m seeing therapy but they just tell me to start it as well. I used to cry at 3AM worrying about a career and my future. I lost weight, my hair is falling out, and I’m not able to relax. I did accounting 5 years ago in college and i hated it so much that i had a mental breakdown for a few years straight. I didn’t want that to be my life.
It is a 6 month course if i do 10 hours a week, and i don’t really want to do it. The problem is i have to start it soon to find out if i dont like it or have to find something else that’s stupid.
I dream of being financially independent, so don’t think i can’t work hard. I work hard with my students. but i have to sell my soul and do this stupid course. I can’t do what i like (art, history, music) because i don’t want poverty wages.
What do I do? How can I stop having so much anxiety about starting a course? I don’t really know what’s gonna happen to me if i don’t like the course. This is the last thing I’m gonna try. If i don’t like it I have no idea what else to do. I’ll probably just think about getting married and work in a grocery store/continue tutoring or something so I’m out of my parents’ hair.