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Former supervisor refused a reference for me and I’m literally losing sleep over it …

I worked under this woman for 3 years at a moderately sized health organization. I am a healthcare provider that held a clinical support role in a large region, overseeing 50+ offices by the time I stepped down back into clinical/direct patient care. Not only was she my supervisor, but I truly saw her as a mentor as she is a pretty prominent figurehead of our clinical profession nationally, very active in our association. I loved doing that job, I travelled a lot, learned a lot, grew tremendously within my field from a non-clinical perspective and she supported me along the way. I always felt we had a great professional relationship. My yearly evaluations were always positive, supportive, and constructive. I was never written up and had good feedback from out in the field and my colleagues (as far as I knew). I stepped down from my support role when…


I worked under this woman for 3 years at a moderately sized health organization. I am a healthcare provider that held a clinical support role in a large region, overseeing 50+ offices by the time I stepped down back into clinical/direct patient care. Not only was she my supervisor, but I truly saw her as a mentor as she is a pretty prominent figurehead of our clinical profession nationally, very active in our association. I loved doing that job, I travelled a lot, learned a lot, grew tremendously within my field from a non-clinical perspective and she supported me along the way. I always felt we had a great professional relationship. My yearly evaluations were always positive, supportive, and constructive. I was never written up and had good feedback from out in the field and my colleagues (as far as I knew). I stepped down from my support role when I had my son and couldn’t travel anymore, I stayed with the company but just back in a clinical role, she was super supportive. Fast forward 2 yrs: I leave the company after my second son because I found a job 5 min from my house (the company was 40min commute both ways), didn’t leave on bad terms. I now have an opportunity to apply for a clinical adjunct teaching position at my school and thought to throw my hat in the ring, so I was excited to get a reference from her having all that experience and the clout she has in our profession. I send a nice professional email , and she emails back saying straight-up NO. No reason other than “we haven’t worked together in a long time” and she “couldn’t speak to my current attributes”. Like WHAT !? It’s only been 2yrs, I worked with her for 3!! Everyone I’ve asked says this is complete bull. I have taken this so personally, thinking there has to be some other reason ??? What did I do ?? But I have NO IDEA. I am so angry and frustrated. This was such a unique role, it really would have been a standout reference and now I’m embarrassed to apply because I feel it would be expected and I have to say she said no?? The kicker: she saw me twice at our professional annual conference recently and ignored me. Long rant, but it just circles through my head constantly, I just can’t rationalize this.

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