TLDR: I was fired from a job I needed, yes, but hated with my entire soul. I live in the middle of nowhere, (yes, courage the cowardly dog is my neighbor) so job offers aren't that great. Does any one else have this problem? How did you get a job you could actually stand in such a remote area?
I worked as a cashier at a truck stop, due to my past I have huge anxieties about people and get easily triggered when overrun, or overwhelmed. That wasn't my only problem with this place as it was sick with favoritism. I got fired after missing two days while being on my final warning for having missed like 6, I know that sounds like a lot but hold on. I missed 8 days total in the 6 or so months I worked there, a coworker, James, missed… wait for it, dramatic effect….. 26 days … wait… in a month and a half. That's right 26 days in a month and a half before he was let go. That does piss me off a little because its so obvious that they let him get away with all that shit because they like him more, because he kisses ass, meanwhile, I bust ass and get let go after 8 days. I'm not too miffed over all about leaving though, not only was playing favorites one of the big games there but it was also completely normal for managers to be sitting in the office talking while leaving you out to dry. Or for you to be eye candy every day for your coworkers and then have them pretend like youre an idiot who didnt notice the fact that dude tripped over the caution cone because he was walking backwards to look at my ass, like honestly get a fucking grip. I hope sort of that other people agree with or at least understand this next bit without me coming off as one of those “Not like the other girls” bits, Not only am I happily spoken for and not interested in doing anything at all that would risk that relationship but as I said before, I have huge anxieties, and some dark shit happened years ago that makes me weary of men in general and now I hate being flirted with, or dont even notice I am being flirted with, so when a man I barely know hits on me, I get pissed off, when a man comes in the store and tells me to “smile” I get pissed off, when a guy tells me how beautiful, sexy, or whatever I am, I blow him off. And its more than not caring, its hard to explain, I dont want all that attention, I just want to be left alone to make my money and go home. People really, really freak me out, to the point where I end up crying behind the register sometimes because people keep coming at me. Dealing with flirt customers is one thing, one thing I really hate, but to be expected really in that job. Any one who has worked as a server, cashier, or anything like that knows it can get creepy. Poor management and lazy coworkers were the other half of the battle, I would get talked to about being a team player, (as I said people FREAK me out, thats as real for me as the sky is blue, so naturally I do my work and go home) but then when I am working with some people they do things that are not teamly at all, for example, when I started working nights Mary told me that it would be diesels side's job to mop the floor because gas side would have their hands busy. One night when my coworker called out and Mary stayed to cover for him, she was on diesel side, and two thirds through the night she brings me the mop bucket with dirty mop water and says ” I did my side” implying that she had mopped her side of the store. So all in all, no to upset about being let go, I hated it there. If you made it this far thanks for reading though this unorganized rant.
If you are in any way like this, people freak you out to the bone kinda thing, or if you live in a super remote area, if your someone who actually wants to work somewhere they will be appreciated, what did you do to makes any one of those things pan out for you? I know I want to get away from the customer service work force, and I have been hitting things like Indeed, Monster, and Jobget hard, but so far nothing. I did have an interview the other day, but get this, at the end of the interview the lady tells me that although I am a good fit they currently dont have any openings and she'll keep my app handy… so like why waste my time and get my hopes up with the interview at all.
I've also tried my hand at therapy to deal with me dread of people, but no dice yet. The first therapist made me feel like I WAS the appointment, not so much that I had an appointment, if that makes sense, I felt more like a project, a work order, than a person. And the second therapist would spend half our time talking about herself, her life, her clients, like I really wanna discuss the fact that I was beaten at 17 not your clients neighbors cat. But again, remote area, lack of options. I don't expect anyone to have the answers or to even make it this far, I just need 'someone' to talk to. I hate being this way, being afraid all the time, when people get behind me i panic, if big men are around me, I panic. If I go somewhere that has a shit ton of people full on melt down. It's just so frustrating, I don't mean to be this way, I tell myself all the time you catch more with sugar, but I always find myself being straight up vinegar.