I (30F) quit my job a month ago. I had been battling depression and anxiety since late 2020 and I did not have the proper skills to balance my life and my job. I was truly miserable. The job had its ups and downs, it was an extermely fast paced environment with very intense periods of work but the people working there were lovely and you were never alone. Sometimes I miss that very much.
So at this place, I arrived like a regular worker, and I got promoted until I ended up managing a team of 13 people. I never ever imagined that I would do something like this, I have always had low self steem and for me this was a big part of my identity. I felt hopeless on weekends. I felt useless and hopeless on vacation. I was so tired and sucked in by the overload of work I could literally not do nor think in anything else. My depression kept me in bed all the time that I was not working. My only way out was smoking pot, which I regret very much but it was an habit I could only end cold turkey after I left this company.
So still, even though I feel I could not do that job anymore, I have feelings that bother me very much. It seems I cannot move forward. I feel that I abandoned my team for my own benefit, that my former coworkers think very badly of me and that this is an irreparable stain in my life that will hunt me forever. I don't know how to get this of this feeling and move on. I repeat myself tat it's just one company within an specific industry, I am not that important to all this people for them to think of me the way my brain has pictured, but still I have nightmares and very annoying thoughts related to the way I ended this situation 🙁
Do any of you see any loigic behind this? Have any of you been through something similar?