I am really doing my damn best to remain optimistic but, every time I wake up I’m greeted with 8 hours of fresh shit to shovel before I’m even allowed out of the driveway and then I just got done shoveling shit I’m too tired to give a fuck about anything short of watching some YouTube/browsing Reddit. Usually I’ll smoke some weed just to make time go by slower and it feel less boring. But It puts me to sleep even earlier. So all in all all I am a slow morning person and the time before work I rarely count as free time. And after work I’m hardly taking a vacation or doing something new. Nope just same day on repeat. Just trying to run the next lap slightly faster than the last. Feel like I’m running against my ghost in a Mario kart. It all seems so pointless especially when I take a step back and realize that nobody else has any ducking clue either. It seems impossible for me to muster the give a fuckness at the moment about life. I’ve given up and am starting to turn into Ricky from trailer park boys who even weed doesn’t make me less irritated anymore. I just feel like I’m gonna be stuck doing this till I die with nothing to show for it. All while getting more and more bitter and resentful. People are always shocked when there’s a school shooting. Why? If anything they’re even more fucked than us. Anyway yeah how do I get over the existential knowledge that I’m essentially pissing away 8 hours a day of my one actual asset and make the best out of it?