I have 5 (yes, five) physical disabilities, any one of which would qualify me for my company's disability program. I have all of them for years, but because of other people have been pushing and pushing and pushing myself to keep working, despite being in horrible pain. I literally do not remember what it feels like to not be in pain. I feel like that fish from Spongebob – “Every morning I break my legs, and every afternoon I break my arms. At night, I lie awake in agony until my heart attacks put me to sleep.” My good days rate a 3 on the pain scale, the bad ones keep putting me in the hospital.
When I started my job it wad fine. We were fully staffed with 9 fulltimers, 2 contractors, and 5 interns. Now? There's 2 of us, and we just got a new intern. I've worked over night and not slept, worked all weekend, met deliveries and still gotten in trouble for not getting them done early. Only to be given more work, asked to do more things, scolded more, all while in pain that just keeps increasing. I'm only 28, and I can't take it any more.
I've been on short term disability for a few weeks now, and I'm seriously considering going to long term. I'm just so, so tired and so, so sick and in so, so much pain. Some people support me, but others keep saying I should just find a different job, I should keep working where I currently do but “act my wage” (not possible if I don't want to get fired), etc. I want to go on disability. And yes, it would be tight, but I could like, knit and sell things on etsy. Make soap. Finally use the two 3D printers that have just been gathering dust because I have no time or energy and sell what I make. Write more, and finally use my master's. Follow my dreams, all while being able to relax at home and do things that wouldn't make me hurt so much. Hell, even just uber eating for a few hundred dollars a month would fill out what I'd be missing.
I'm scared, but I want to do it. I just can't see myself going back. I can't.