This is less about my job and more about the system and America in general. To be honest, my job is fairly easy and low stress. Maybe 5 years ago it would have been a run of the mill office job, but now it’s a work from home. Traditional 40 hours, 8-5. That whole thing. I’ve been a hard worker for more than half my life. Promoted at least once in almost every job I’ve had. My salary barely keeps my family in a shitty apartment and fed. Even with that, the state thinks I make too much for EBT. But I’m always one bad month away from complete financial disaster.
Sadly, that’s not even an uncommon story any more. I was ok with it to a point. At least I had made my peace with it. And if I lived alone, I could probably cope. My kids are the joy of my life and one of the only things that bring me true happiness. I didn’t really find myself as a person or my purpose in life until I became a dad. My kids are special needs though. That means therapies and special accommodations and all sorts of things that they need to make sure they can live their best life. Trying to juggle work with all of that is a major struggle. But then it gets worse.
My wife was recently diagnosed with an autoimmune disease. She can’t work, and on her bad days her pain is so bad that she can’t get out of bed. It’s not possible for her to work, or even to drive safely. She needs doctors appointments and special treatments and help around the house. Child care is an issue often. We’ve been waiting more than 6 months on social security disability to even start the process. Submitted all the paperwork and have just heard nothing. They keep telling her they received it and a case worker will get back to her.
So my family needs me at home. My kids have obligations that I can’t keep up with right now and I feel terrible about it. My wife needs care that I just can’t always provide. I can’t even step back and take a part time job because I’m barely keeping things afloat as is. My family needs me at home, but they also need me to work so we have a place to call home as terrible as that place may be currently. And that leads me back to the title. I just don’t know what the hell to even do anymore. If anyone has suggestions, please let me know.