So I work at a Ace Hardware, I work in the warehouse which we call the yard and me and all the other warehouse guys are just “yard guys” and every monday, wednesday, and friday is freight day, its when shipments come in and everyone in the store has to stock the shelves. Well today there was alot and I spent 3 hours just stocking the shelves and it is incredibly boring. And there is this other yard guy who treats me like shit, well not quite like shit but he dosent respect me at all. I started working at my Ace in december and since then hes never once shown me any form of respect, he sometimes even calls me his “yard bitch” and I have just sucked it up, told myself that I wouldnt let it get to me, all the disrespect, all the teasing he does soely to me, but guess what, it has gotten to me, it always has and I almost broke today. I had to work with him doing freight and again just no sign of respect and I almost started yelling at him. I didnt but I came so god dam close to doing that.
Than there is this girl I like, she also works at ace but shes a casheer so we dont get to talk alot. But I have a big crush on her, everytime I see her my heart beats faster and I get that butterfly feeling in my stomach, and every time we talk is awsome. A couple weeks ago we got to texting outside of work and for a small bit of time I thought she might actually like me too but I feel like I just fucked it all up, something I seem to do whenever there is something that could turn to something if that makes sense. But now I feel like she just wants to be friends which I dont mind, id rather be just friends with her than nothing at all, but it just sucks because again everytime I see her I get that feeling inside of me and everytime we talk its awsome but there is that dark pit inside of me, reminding me that all I will ever do with her is just talk. I wont get to go out on a date with her, just cuddle her. Instead I just have to be friends and watch as she and another casheer who I'm kinda friends with get together, or at least I'm pretty sure there is something between them.
And as I'm typing this I'm just sitting on my chair in my room, listinging to love songs all the while feeling like at any moment I'll break down and just start crying, and tbh I cant even remember the last time I cried.