I have been at my current company for over four years and up until this point I’ve completely loved it. They have promoted me three times since I joined, and I have gotten addicted to the compensation for the work I do. I always saw myself climbing the corporate ladder, quickly, making it to the VP level and living comfortably. But recently, this has all changed.
My company went through another round of layoffs, and it was extremely shady. With the horrible performance management system that we have, it’s basically a popularity contest. I’ve been really good at “playing the game”, but it is really starting to get to me. I thought I wanted the responsibility and power of being a senior leader, but the higher I go the more I hate it. I see all of the backhanded politics and sketchy behaviors of our senior leaders, as well as their work life balance, and I am slowly getting turned off.
All of that being said, I feel this huge sense of guilt as a woman in technology for not wanting to climb the career ladder. What would it say about me if I was very successful in technology, but then took a career change with less responsibilities, and of course less money? I thought money was everything because that’s what I grew up with, but I’m starting to realize that this work and this level of stress is NOT worth it.
I would love some advice from people on how I can reframe my thoughts to not feel so guilty about wanting to take a step back and completely change my career or stop working. If money didn’t matter, I would want to be a middle school librarian, which would mean probably taking a significant pay cut. But at the same time, isn’t that worth my happiness? I’m just having a hard time, changing my mind set and being okay with something different than I always thought I would be.