I work as a housekeeper for a company I hate. I won't name which, but it's a timeshare that's currently facing quite a lot of lawsuits.
For context, I'm autistic. Undiagnosed atm because my family just never did that and getting diagnosed as an adult is a long and expensive process in the usa. Housekeeping in this location is a fine job for someone with my specific issues (namely social problems and being partially non-verbal) because I spend 90% of my shift by myself, focusing on just cleaning the unit assigned to me, and then I report everything to the front desk via text message.
All of that is fine, where it becomes unmanageable is with my bosses and my schedule. They make two schedules at a time, one for the current week. This is the “final schedule”. The other is the “draft schedule” for the next week. It's exactly how it sounds, they don't know for sure who they need when for next week, but they give a guess and only finalize it at the last minute. This has more than once lead to me making plans for the next day only to be told at 6pm that the draft was finalized and they're going to need me in tomorrow. And when I complain about not being able to make plans for even the next day I'm told that it's my fault for not either planning three weeks in advance or doing everything with the expectation of dropping it and coming into work.
As I said, I'm autistic. Sudden changes to my schedule are very distressing for me and can lead to meltdowns that I cannot control. And then as if that weren't enough, they sometimes like to change the final schedule too. I guess the final schedule isn't really final.
I also need people to understand that autistic burnout is a bit different from standard burnout. If autistics get severe enough burnout it can lead to “increased care needs.” In other words, it is crippling. Debilitating. It can lead to a loss of old skills, tank your ability to speak and otherwise function in a world that doesn't accommodate us. This is sometimes permanent. So when I feel myself feeling severely burned out I get very scared. This is incredibly dangerous for me.
I used to work a standard five day week, but when I realized I just couldn't handle that I asked if I could work part time as my health was deteriorating. My boss convinced me to stay “technically fulltime” but at four days a week. “That way you can keep your PTO and insurance.” In this same conversation she also asked me “what are you even going to do for your health? Just stay at home all day?” It's hard to describe how angry this made me. I knew she didn't care about my health beyond what she could exploit out of me. Trying to imply that work was the best thing for me made me feel so abused and manipulated. As if I don't know what's best for me. As if she thinks she knows what's best for my health and it's to make sure I'm monitored by bosses at all times.
I could go on for a lot longer about all the other ways my job is made way harder than it needs to be, but honestly, I don't have time right now.
These past few weeks have been hell. I have been asked multiple times to work extra days on what's meant to be the “final” schedule, causing me to have three meltdowns over the course of six days. It's all I could do to prevent myself from hitting my head. At one people my schedule ended up being four on, one off, four on, one off, three on. Here's a visual
XXXX O XXXX O XXX
This wasn't what I asked for. I was already struggling so much, unable to keep up with both basic hygiene and work, not eating enough, and just being constantly miserable. And then this section of my schedule came and I just couldn't handle it at the end. I went into the unit I was meant to clean and I just sat down for over an hour. Every time I tried to move I just felt sick. I couldn't do it. I felt awful. Like I'm lazy or just not good enough when I was genuinely trying my hardest.
When I finally felt like I could stand again I tried to keep working and my boss came in to “check up on me.” In reality, she was there because my performance had been steadily declining for a while and we both knew it. She asked me why I was so burned out and what she could do as my boss to help. I told her that I didn't know what to say beyond just “stop doing this to me.”
She didn't acknowledge when I said this. She told me that “your perception of how much you work is wrong.” And that “I feel like we've already done so much to accommodate you.”
I didn't have the energy to argue with her. I didn't have the energy for anything. She told me that unless I could up my performance, she was going to move me to part time so that she could hire someone fulltime who will actually do what she wants. I almost laughed. Going part time was what I originally wanted. She said that she'd give me a week to decide what I wanted to do and I told her I didn't need a week. Just put me part time and get it over with.
What I struggle so much to explain to people is that even if it were true that my boss bent over backward to do everything she could for me, I don't care. I just don't fucking care. She is my boss. She controls how much I'm paid, she controls if I'm written up, she controls my schedule, she controls the references given to any future employers, she controls damn near every aspect of my life simply by being the person in charge of giving me money. The thing I need in order to eat. I don't care if she's trying her hardest for me. All bosses exploit their workers, it's what they're there for. Even if you have a “nice” boss, that's still what they're there to do. You can't keep kicking me in the teeth and expect me to thank you for trying your hardest to wear soft boots.
I spend my whole life working so hard to accommodate them because if I don't I could be fired, but when I am struggling with autistic burnout and am unable to feed and bathe myself because of my job my boss whines that I ask too much and I make things hard for them.
I hate capitalism. I hate jobs. I hate work. I hate giving so much of my life to a disgusting company I despise.
My autism peer support group is helping me find a different job. I don't know how long it will take, but in God's name, I just need a break…