I finally did it. I was so scared to tell my second job I wanted to cut my hours. I was scared to make less money. I don’t really know what will come from this and money will be tight but the amount of stress and the level of unhappiness I was experiencing was beyond words. I am in school and I started at a new school online. I transferred to finish my BA. Eventually to get my masters. I got my first W and was so disappointed in myself. I was taking more than full time. I am really coming to peace with not being perfect. With it being okay to be mentally unwell because I overwork myself. Practicing patience turning inward and to God to give me courage to take better care of myself without the fear of not doing enough. I realized that it makes me feel like I’m not enough when I’m not trying to be perfect. I cut my hours for the fall to full time still but not over full time. I will learn to accept being patient and my timing isn’t everyone’s timing and this is my life and it’s a good one. Yes, I am 30 and barley getting it together. I’m trying to remember I am blessed and accomplishments aren’t everything. I was most disappointed I couldn’t do it all but I can’t and learning that that’s okay. I know it’s just telling my job this is too much but it’s hard for me to admit that to someone.
Context one of my jobs pays for school online with a bad hourly rate.
My second job is more in the field and better pay.
Cutting back classes also I will be doing this longer which sucks but I need to feel sane and experience not feeling so much stress.
I’m proud of myself. I did this for 10 months 11 hours daily for 10 months. I’m trying to be kind to myself which idk why for me can be hard.