I recently started a job back in December in a new field (education). I liked it at first but once I started getting my first paychecks, I kind of panicked. Ever since I have started this job, I have been living paycheck to paycheck and even the actual paycheck isn't enough. I constantly borrow money from people around me to make it through the month (which I obviously pay right back). I have never been so broke and feel so embarassed that I have put myself in a position to be asking for money. I can't continue to live like this long term. I used to make more money in my old field which makes me want to leave and go back to my old field.
BUT I feel guilty. Recently some students have had their behaviour problems escalate and I am mostly the one working with them. We are already low staff in the school and I know that If I leave, my team will be totally screwed. I also feel bad for the students since they will no longer get support and services until they find someone to replace me which could possiblly mean they won't since the end of year is coming soon.
BUT I am also exhausted and stressed out. Exhausted from the constant violence and tantrums and stressed from the low pay. BUT I do care about them and it's making me feel so guilty and I feel awful about leaving everyone in that school screwed at the worst time. I honestly would try to push through but during the summer I am not even paid so even more financial stress that is making my head spin.
Not sure what to do anymore. I feel like my heart is saying to leave and go back to working an office job which paid more and didn't leave me feeling stressed and exhausted but my heart aches and feels guilty at the same time and it's stopping me 🙁