I find myself needing to get some thoughts out while I wait.
I find myself the optimist for 40 weeks of expected work and two days of expected silence.
I find myself just back from vacation to hear about all the things that went wrong.
I find myself knowing none of them are my fault, but I could’ve been an extra voice in their resolution.
I find myself annoyed that my boss couldn’t wait until my vacation time was up to call me.
I find myself grateful for the warning of a late-night shift instead of having me pull overtime.
I find myself dreading a pay cut to continue doing the side of the job I like.
I find myself hoping others on my teams will get a raise because of it.
I find myself angry when my overworked coworkers are injured in the physicality of the job.
I find my own back beginning to ache again.
I find myself making up for their “lost effort”.
I find myself wishing people were recognized as people instead of metal and clockwork.
I find myself glad we are still there the next day.
I find myself caring about my teams, not wanting them to take more than their share of the burden.
I find myself needing to take overtime.
I find myself texting a friend about potentially meeting up this weekend.
I find myself conflicted.
I find myself stuck.
I find myself waiting for a train with an operatic violin oozes through the streets behind me like a dream.