I just wish things could be easy. I wish I didn't have to worry about what I'm going to feed my daughter tonight, and tomorrow. At her daycare, they did a whole thing about Thanksgiving, so she's expecting turkey and mashed potatoes and all of the fun things that come with Thanksgiving and I have nothing.
I posted on my local Buy Nothing group asking if any food pantries were helping with Thanksgiving meals and explained I only receive a small amount of SNAP benefits, WIC benefits don't cover everything we need, and I'm literally counting pennies to make sure we stay fed. It's a constant juggle between keeping the power on and buying enough groceries to sustain us through the month. Even when I do visit food banks, a lot of the items I've been given, my daughter won't eat due to her texture issues and being super picky.
Was told about a couple of volunteer places and a few churches. Started making calls. I'm not expecting anything extravagant – like I'd be literally happy with a packet of instant mashed potatoes and a box of macaroni and cheese because those are my kid's two safe foods and what little money I do have, I need for gas to get her to daycare on Friday and myself to work. First place I called said they couldn't help me because it was past their deadline date. Okay, fine, I totally understand that. But it was pretty much every other place I called too.
I broke down and ended up asking my narcissistic mother if she could please help us out. I promised I'd pay her back when I get paid next week – I just need a little help. She ended up shaming me, telling me how horrible of a mother I am, she brought up the fact she knows I use a food bank as it is and said I was pathetic for receiving any type of assistance because she “didn't raise me to take a handout”, meanwhile she just bought a new car and I can't even afford to get my daughter a Christmas present. I ended up hanging up on her because I just didn't need to hear it today. I already feel shitty enough as it is.
My manager is saying we might all be receiving raises in January. Anywhere from $3 to $5 more an hour. It's sad how much it would really make a difference in my life if I were paid a little more. I get $208 in SNAP benefits a month and it's nowhere near enough sometimes. I feel like I spend that in one grocery trip to Walmart. It just shouldn't be this hard to survive right now and I shouldn't be shamed by my own mother, of all people, for asking for help.