A little background: In 2020, I started working for a popular Polish YouTuber (around 1 mln subs). Being a video editor has always been my dream (though my ultimate goal is editing movie trailers), and I found great joy in piecing together videos. Though the work requires patience, seeing the final creation on YouTube is always satisfying and highly motivating, especially when some of our videos reached the top spot on Polish YouTube.
Unfortunately, things changed in 2022 when the channel underwent a transformation (which I can't disclose because it would be too revealing) and the YouTuber faced personal problems. This significantly affected the channel's reach, and videos were published less frequently. Despite my efforts to deliver top-notch editing, I started receiving signals that the channel owner didn't fully appreciate me. Somehow, he believed that I was the reason for the declining views.
a) Suggestions I made to improve the situation were ignored and ridiculed (“I've been running this channel for 10 years, I know what I'm doing!”).
b) He reconnected with an old video editor from five years ago, and suddenly criticism started pouring in my direction.
c) I once created a list of 30 film/shorts ideas – ALL of them were criticized (not enough content, people won't watch it, the films would take too long to produce, etc.). Interestingly, some of those ideas were later realized without involving me. This means the problem is with ME, not the ideas.
d) Currently, he keeps changing his mind about how videos should be edited (one moment it should be like this YouTuber, the next like that one, and he sends me links to emerging channels with high views). He even once wanted me to edit like MrBeast. He completely failed to understand that MrBeast has several editors, and they are at the top of the game.
Note: MrBeast is a popular YouTuber known for his philanthropic videos and extravagant challenges.
In the past, we easily achieved 600k, 700k, and even 2 million views for big event videos. However, in the last year and a half, our maximum is 200k, and currently, the videos barely reach 40k views.
Now, almost every video I create is subjected to harsh criticism, and each new one requires more and more effects and flashy graphics. I keep changing my editing style almost every week, learning new techniques, and I'm getting lost in what I do. In my opinion, this is an excessive focus on form over content, and I can't keep up. What used to take 4-5 hours of work for an 8-minute video now takes me two full days. Even then, I get severe scolding, with a list of “errors” and suggestions that my editing wouldn't even pass standards from 2018, being called “the worst editing ever” (he later claimed it was about the past few weeks). He also warns that at this rate, the channel will end up with only 1000 views.
I've been living with increasing stress, struggling to motivate myself to work, procrastinating before starting edits. My confidence has dropped, and I developed nervous tics and overthinking, which has impacted my relationship with my girlfriend. I saw a psychologist, and they didn't see depression but rather significant anxiety and ADHD (a potent combo). I'm still trying to produce the videos, despite everything.
Of course, not everything is negative at work; there are some positives. The job is remote, so I manage my time as I see fit, and my boss is understanding when something comes up or I need time off. So our relationship also has a friendly side.
Someone might ask, “If things are so bad, why don't you quit?” Well, it comes down to money. This YouTuber pays me well, especially for Polish standards among video editors. I tried looking for other opportunities with different YouTubers, but I faced financial barriers.
I have rent to pay, contracts for various appliances, and I plan to get married to my fiancée. These commitments make it hard for me to make the decision to leave and find another job. Additionally, I feel that video editing is the only thing I'm relatively good at, and it's the only way I can earn a living. The worst part is that due to the toxic environment with the current YouTuber, my confidence in my editing skills has dropped even further. I feel like I'm only kept around out of pity, and if I lose this job, I won't find a better one anywhere else.
I feel stuck in limbo, forcing myself to sit at my desk every day and edit videos that give me a sense of productivity, but deep down, I know the YouTuber despises my work and doesn't respect me. Sometimes, when I go to bed, I dream of finding a job with another YouTuber who will appreciate my efforts, my editing, and make me excited to work, allowing me to develop my skills. Currently, I'm living with stress, anxiety, and extremely low self-confidence.
Thank you for your attention, and best regards.