So last year towards the end of February, I'd gotten fired from my job of nearly six years for a defamatory Facebook post I'd made, expressing frustration about the overtime I was having to perform. Luckily I was good with my finances and had a nice nest egg tucked away, as well as my 401K which I withdrew as the market was doing very poorly at the time. I was in shock initially, emotionless as I definitely didn't want to get fired, if my perfect attendance was anything to go on. I just hated my boss at the time, but it wasn't anything I was gonna quit over. But anyways…
So since then, I haven't been in any real rush to get back to work, I decided to just have an extended vacation just doing whatever I want, whenever I want. Exploring different things, hobbies, games, etc. I briefly did some streaming where I put together puzzles, which I really should get back into that. But anyways, it's been magical. Sleeping and waking up whenever you want, it's extremely addictive. Being able to just go for walks when you want, get your chores done at any hour of the day and just enjoy life, it's amazing.
The unfortunate part, this can't last forever. Pretty soon it'll have been an entire year I've voluntarily remained unemployed. I'm not in dire straits right now or anything, and I'm still far from that point, but inevitably, I have to get back to work, and I'm dreading that day as I get closer and closer to a full year off. I really don't have to go back to the working world. And what's even more unfortunate, it seems like my old job will be my only option to go back to in terms of jobs that pay reasonably in the area.
I'm already stressed about it. That stress has been leading to some depressive spirals occasionally. Worrying about if I just never manage to land another job, if I lose my apartment, everything, to such a point I've come close to the thought of “Spend everything I have and end it.” Fortunately, my inhibitions are in control and that's never something I'd actually carry out. But I have laid in bed just worrying about the “what if”, you know? The misery of going back to that grind.
I'm scared. Scared and afraid. What if I can't get employed again? How miserable will I be if I do get employed again? There's just no winning move here. If I just never had to work again in my life, I'd vow to spend that time otherwise spent at a job doing volunteer work wherever I could find it.
I'm sorry for the rambling, I just needed to vent to those I felt would be most understanding of the situation I'm in.