I'm so sorry for how long this is, but I tried to include any potentially pertinent information.
My company structure is a bit unique, so I'll try to explain that first. I work within a hospital as a contract employee and as my company's only member on site. This is common for my role. Each of us at different hospitals have one of two supervisors that we fall under. About half of the team (and the rest of the company) have been there for 5+ years and buy into the whole “our team is a family” thing. I'm autistic and mostly just want to do my job and go home without any added fluff. My autism has been a point of contention for some folks who really love the “family” narrative. I was told not to read into people's messages and take them at face value (as I used to be an anxious mess and really worry about potentially missing cues), but I have been criticized for offending people based on how they read into my messages. I just had a meeting a few months back with my supervisor about how sending “thank you.” was rude because of the choice of a period rather than a smiley face or an exclamation point. It's very much like they keep moving the finish line for me when I'm really trying to just survive while I'm looking for other work.
Our company has a massive issues with workplace boundaries and understanding we *aren't* actually a family. Supervisors have discussed their vaginal issues in meetings, what it was like giving birth, and our company has issues with keeping their hands to themselves. Last year, the other supervisor (not mine) had grabbed me by my wrist and dragged me around one of the first times we met. The next day, I had texted her to say that I wasn't comfortable being touched like that and just asked her not to do it again. I addressed it privately because I didn't find it needed to escalate and I felt it was an interpersonal misunderstanding. She escalated the issue to her boss, who told me not to bring it up again and that it was actually *my* fault. Since then, the other supervisor (not mine) has been short and curt with me the few times we interact, but I just choose to move forward as we rarely have to interact.
A few weeks ago at a work retreat, I had a guest speaker insult me and touch me inappropriately and it made me cry. I excused myself to calm down. The other supervisor (not mine) came out and saw me upset, and put her hand on my shoulder and rubbed it before leaving me.
I escalated the issue of the guest speaker to our management team; I emailed the details so there was documentation of the incident even if they chose to do nothing. They surprised me by saying they wanted to investigate and have me discuss with our proxy HR. Something to note is that we outsource our HR. We have a “proxy HR” that is just our office manager, but our outsourced HR only works with management. We cannot go to them ourselves. When they asked what I felt was needed for a solution, I said I felt that we should re-address staff expectations and workplace boundaries for the entire team, and used these two incidents with the supervisor as examples, as well as other examples with other staff members. I specified that I didn't think the other supervisor had any intended malice whatsoever in what she did and I don't think the team does when they overstep, but that we just need to look at what our company expectations are for respecting one another and boundaries.
My supervisor's calendar isn't locked, so I see two incidents where management had met with the outsourced HR rep. After both of these, our proxy HR emailed me insisting I needed to come in for a mediated discussion between the other supervisor (not mine) and myself about the two incidents I mentioned. The way the meeting was proposed, to me, sounded like the other supervisor (not mine) was already involved and aware of the potential meeting, meaning she was told I had reported her. I said that was inappropriate, that any staff reporting incidents should be ideally left out of addressing them, and that I wouldn't be attending any meeting.
About a week ago, we had an online Q&A with our CEO, where we can ask questions or submit them to our supervisors to have them ask on our behalf. Several questions were asked anonymously, and then the other supervisor (not mine) introduced her question as being from X employee. Genuinely trying to be helpful and making sure my wording/punctuation/emoji use was as friendly as possible to communicate that, I DMed her: “People may be more inclined to share questions to escalate to [CEO] if you don 't say specifically who has the question:) like an anonymous thing!” and she answered with “I am confident in my method of delivery, thank you.” Thought it was a bit rude on her end, but that's pretty on par with how she talks to me.
Today, I was notified that I was being written up for being disrespectful, for challenging her ability to lead, and for upsetting her because of my above DM. They told me I should've expected that the other supervisor (not mine) had ensured that it was okay to say the question was from X employee and not assume she was breaking confidentiality. I said that wasn't my intent, that I was genuinely trying to be helpful in case it was an accident or she hasn't realized, and that I should be allowed the same leniency of assuming I meant well instead of any form of a challenge. I also said that I found it odd that we're making a report based on how something was interpreted rather than face value. The other supervisor (not mine) would've had to report the DM herself and this report would have been after my initial HR interview where I discussed her touching me.
“Hire a lawyer” seems like an easy answer, but I'm broke and in my mid-20s and worry about repercussions there and don't understand the process. I don't know where to go or what to do with this new situation- do I contact our proxy HR claiming retaliation, even though I think she broke any confidentiality and created a situation from it? Do I contact the outsourced HR rep, even if I had already emailed her after the proposed mediated discussion and she said she doesn't work with employees, only management? AhhH?