I’m only 17 at the moment but from the work experience I’ve done I can’t tell if following my dad’s advice of “Leaving my emotions at the door” has really been all that helpful.
I’ve been told by my coworkers and managers that I’m very robotic, military-style, and too serious. When my coworkers try to joke with me, I can’t respond because I’m too afraid of being caught laughing, so I just brush them off.
It’s not like I’m trying to be mean, but I am trying to be distant. I feel like work is easier when you have nobody to impress and instead are just there to do your job and go home. Trying to make friends is just…pointless, especially if they’ll be gone next week.
I have a lot of mental health issues and my dad is very pro “be tough” and “you can’t let your emotions show” kind of guy. And it’s totally passed on to me – when a car crashed in front of my at 16, I didn’t panic at all. I just pulled over, ran out and helped the person stuck inside. Absolutely no panic and no fear, not even any adrenaline. Because I had learned to just block off any emotions and “do the work” that needed to be done.
I feel like these things have greatly helped me, but it feels kind of sad. I don’t want to be known as the “closed off, serious person” but I can’t imagine the stress if I wasn’t that person. I feel like it’s just who I’m meant to be; my therapist disagrees but I just can’t see myself being any different.
I’ve tried forcing myself into uncomfortable social situations and it just makes things worse. Clubs, sports, social events, coworkers, classmates, dates, you name it. The second people find out I’m stoic and work/school-focused they don’t like me despite how friendly I really am. Sometimes I wonder if I’m autistic or something due to how alienated I feel from my peers.
Any opinions or comments are appreciated.