I recently started work canvassing for voter registration. Group I am with is out there just trying to get people in my state registered to vote, because the only way we can even pretend to be a democracy is if the people have a voice. (yes, I am aware that America is not actually a democracy.)
It's full time work, and pays a livable wage hourly. I'm on my feet out in the Arizona heat all day, but I don't mind that. I don't even mind dealing with the people who want to rant at me or the people who won't even acknowledge my existence (former retail, I'm used to that).
The part that is fucking frustrating is that I'm struggling with it. I was sent out 2 days with a trainer who isn't worth shit, he's really good at what he does but doesn't acknowledge that his natural charisma and outgoing nature is why he's good at it so his training can be summed up as “be friendly, be yourself, talk to everyone.” – well, I'm not charismatic and outgoing, so 'be yourself' is out right because myself is like “don't bother people, they're busy.” which means it's just 'be friendly' which … I try?
So I haven't been performing well. I've been consistently one of the bottom performers of the group I started with, and it's frustrating and it's stressing me out, and my boss has commented on it.
I've asked for help. I've asked to be sent out with someone who is also good at what he does but is more like me so I can try to pick up some pointers from him and maybe be able to get better at this shit.
I was told I would get said help, too. I was told I'd be sent out with him this week, well, this work week is over and I never got sent out with him, so I'm out there floundering and struggling and just trying to figure out how the fuck to do my job, while stressing about the fact that I'm doing bad, to the point of making myself sick over it, especially since I'm worried I made a mistake leaving my previous job for this one because I think I'm going to lose this one any day now.
I want to be good at it, I want to improve and be successful, not just because the work is important, but also because this is the most money I've made hourly in my life, and it's a high enough wage to actually really help me get my life back on track after the pandemic.
… Mostly just venting, and I figure here is one of the safest places to vent about work frustrations.