Long time reader, first time posting.
Please be kind.
I am going to describe a scenario between myself and employer that has been building up for 5 years.
I work for a small family owned buisness, the owner is over 70 and his daughter now runs the place. Its a long standing specialized business, the daughter has been wearing two very heavy hats for the last 25 years, and the father getting older does not help with the weight of responsibility.
My role was initialy to take some of the pressure off of the managers client facing role so she could manage the buisness. But, the buisness is getting busier and busier that even with me working full time plus some, and her full time plus some, we cant keep up with client demand, and manage our daily workflow.
I have been trying to express how overwhelmed I am, but it has landed on on deff ears. No one “is as busy as her”, so I have no room to complain. And for a long time I felt that was true, but I have seriously been feeling burnout.
When I try to bring up any workflow issues, they are shut down, if I even try to push the issue, by simply meantioning it with a different approach, I am yelled at and told I “have an attitude problem”. Again, for a long time I felt it was true, so I stepped back. Never dissagreed with my boss even if she was blatantly contradicting herself, because it was safer than getting yelled at, shut down, and belittled.
But, I feel the buisness is drowing in its own blood, leaking from every one of the thousand cuts that aren't being repaired due to an overworked manager who is a micromanaging perfectionist that talks down to every one of her employees and contractors. Her stress and agression is only ramping up.
Everyone is “fucking stupid”, and no one “does their fucking job”, this place is “full of princesses”, and our clients are “fucking idiots”. Its hard to be around someone that negative day in and day out.
But, stupid me, last week I forgot to roll over, I forgot the rule I made to “never disagree with owners daughter.” I brought up an issue with a contractor who was consistantly missing timlines, and that day in particular had caused me to have a very upset client take it out on me.
Her response, “what do you want me to do about it” And with that, i usually walk away, but I, stupidly, wanted to try and make her see that it was a bleeding wound, so I said again, ” this contractor is causing us more grief than the revenue he produces, and his incompitance is causing clients to get bitchy at me, I dont like someone else's actions coming down onto ME”.
And suddenly she is screaming at me “YOU NEED TO COME INTO THE OFFICE NOW” and she GRABED my arm and tried to pull me into the room. I was so shocked and upset that this escelated so quickly is said “absolutely not, and pulled my arm away”. (I later found a bruise)
She said “its in the office or outside.” I go outside because I am so done and embarased that this is happening in my place of work, in front of my coworkers. As soon as we get out side she says to me “I cant go on with our interactions turning into this.” Is said “THIS!? THIS IS THE FIRST TIME IVE DISAGREED WITH YOU IN A YEAR.” I know because I make it a rule not to. She says “you came at me hot, so I needed to shut you down”. I said, “me trying to assert myself is not coming in hot, its me trying to make you see something you refuse to hear from me
me. You just see it as hot because HOW DARE someone dissagree with you.”
Then I realize that I am in the public parking lot at my work…… and I want to puke I am so stressed. She is monologing about how “her life is really hard, I have no idea, this last year has been the hardest of her life and its hard being the manager and front end staff”
And all I can think is, you just came back from three International trips, last year you sold one of two of your houses that you bought at 25 for a $300,000 profit. You are part owner in a buisness that your PARENT gave you. Yes you work hard, but NO ONE has ever checked your attitude.
This was my dream job, I am sick and overwhelmed. I need to leave, my body is telling me I am under too much stress, but it makes me feel week that I can manage myself with a shitty boss to do what I love.
Note: There are witnesses to the physical altercation, there are witnesses to past issues, there are witnesses and comiserators in the toxicity.
I want to know if I can quit quietly and due to durress if I can be supported in anyway by the labor board. Quietly.