We had a boatload of layoffs today at my work again. We're in biotechnology and we're heavy into COVID related products so they “right size” very frequently.
The bosses who had to layoff seemed devastated and in tears today, which always is odd to me. In fact, being sad about the departures has always been weird to me. I've been laid off twice and I can't explain how like… happy I get? Like grinning ear to ear? And when they mention severance I'm like sweet and when they're like it's not you it's just your senority and it's like yep I know no problem! Lol like I've gotten almost no vacations or work breaks since starting working at 16, 20 years ago. So today when they mentioned layoffs today I… got excited? And almost a little disappointed it wasn't me? And when the managers were asked if the remaining people were safe and the response was more or less not straight forward, my brain had a thought to tell my manager they should pick me next? I'm holding my tongue because my mother would kill me if I did such a thing but seriously, I had the impulse. I don't hate what I do but it is hard and I'm not sure I fit the culture, but above all else I think I crave change or something.