I really want to share my experience that completely traumatized me and made me anti work.
In 2017, I moved across the country to have a fresh start in a big city. I found a job working for a pretty small start up company, about 15 employees or so. The office was open concept, but the CEO and CFO had their own rooms and for the most part, were there everyday. There was no HR, which of course, I should’ve seen as a massive red flag.
Despite accrued sick time being mandatory per state law, we never received any. I was “lucky” to get 10 PTO days a year, which I always allocated to go home and visit my parents around Thanksgiving and Christmas time.
Fast forward to June of 2019. My dad started calling me and telling me my mom was acting strange, walking into things, couldn’t find the seatbelt in the car, forgot how to use her debit card at the store, etc.
My dad was waking up for work at 2 AM and wouldn’t get home until 5. They’d eat together, chat, and then he’d have to go to sleep very early. My mom was a stay at home mom, and having an empty nest, spent all of her time alone at home. I suspect her health deteriorated to the point it did, because both my dad and I weren’t really present to notice the changes.
Over the course of the next week, I was begging my dad to take her to the doctor, hospital, anything. But my mom was incredibly stubborn and fearful of doctors, so resisted. Eventually, I did persuade them both to go to the ER.
I was a complete mess waiting to hear what was going on, being across the country and feeling utterly helpless. After a couple of hours, my dad called me crying. She was diagnosed with stage 4 lung cancer, that had spread to her brain, and pretty much her entire body. I had just turned 23, she was 57.
I called my boss hysterical and told them I had to fly back home immediately. They told me they understood, and gave me a couple of days off to spend with my family.
My job didn’t allow employees to work remotely, although our system did have the capability to support that. After much persuasion, I got them to agree to allow this. I spent my time at home with my mother while my father continued to work. For the most part, my work performance wasn’t hindered. I was desperate to keep this job and couldn’t afford to lose it, so I was trying my absolute best to stay focused.
Fast forward to September 1st. My boss called me and told me I had to be back in the office by October 1st. “Company policy” had changed, and they were no longer allowing me to work remotely.
Naturally, I had a breakdown on the phone, and begged them to reconsider, but they wouldn’t budge.
Feeling like I had no other option, I returned to work by the date they requested. When I returned, there were a bunch of new hires; fresh out of college, excited about this job, naive. They also had finally hired someone for “HR”. His previous experience was being a restaurant manager. He did not have an HR background and that would soon be made very evident.
I would start to feel absolutely insane, sitting at my desk, surrounded by my coworkers who had no idea what the company was putting me through. I had an extreme panic attack one day, ran from my desk to cry hysterically in the kitchen area. I couldn’t breathe. The CEO came out of his office and suggested I take a walk around the block to cool off. I told him that was ludicrous. His solution was calling me an Uber and sending me to the sidewalk downstairs to go home. This happened several times.
When Thanksgiving rolled around, I knew that it would be the last with my mother. They rejected my request to return home.
I scheduled a meeting with my boss, and the new HR guy. I begged them again to reconsider allowing me to work remotely. They stood their ground.
The HR guy told me I could just go visit my mom on the weekends and after work. Bewildered, I told him my mother was halfway across the country. Clearly, he wasn’t briefed on any of the details of my situation.
My boss decided to tell me an anecdote from his experience at a previous job. His wife was pregnant, but had some complications and had to be on bed rest for the remainder of her pregnancy. His job wouldn’t allow him to work from home; although they did have the capacity to accommodate that with their technology. He told me how he spent his lunch breaks running home to check on her, and that it was a stressful time, but he had to do what he had to do.
I looked at them in awe.
The HR guy pipes in and says, “We can’t accommodate your request forever. She could live for years.”
I responded and told him she was in hospice at that point. She couldn’t walk. She couldn’t speak. She didn’t have long.
They strong armed me into having no choice but to quit. I quit in that moment, and they asked me if I could finish the workday because they were busy. I obviously declined. They asked me if I could type up a resignation letter, and escorted me to my desk. I had already written up an absolute essay of a letter, forwarded it to them, and walked out.
I applied for unemployment but was denied because I had quit the job. I did some research and saw that if you quit your job due to having to care for an immediate family member, you’d be eligible. I was denied, appealed, and was denied again.
I returned home and luckily got to at least spend Christmas with her. I secured a job in my home state, set to start on February 10th, a Monday.
I was very nervous to start, seeing as my mom was getting worse and worse, but I went to work that day. Tuesday, when I came home, things with my mother were very, very bad. I was positive she was going to pass that night.
I called out the next day. Wednesday. I sat with my mom all day and night, but my job was guilting me for missing work that day. They were aware of my circumstances.
Feeling like I had no other choice, I went back to work the next day. Thursday, February 13th. I overslept and was rushing out the door and didn’t get to say goodbye to my mom. I was at work for maybe an hour when I got the text. “She died.”
I immediately ran out of the building and went home, hysterical but numb. They gave me three days off for bereavement. After those three days, I told them I needed more time. I didn’t care if it was going to be unpaid, I was just completely and utterly broken. My boss told me that her dad died young, and she had to pull herself up by the boot straps. They laid me off after that.
Once again, I didn’t qualify for unemployment. I hadn’t been working at the job long enough to collect.
Since then, my performance at my jobs has been dismal. Every single day I resent working. Companies don’t care. You’re just a number. And I’m filled with guilt and regret for letting two companies choose them over my mother.
If you’ve taken the time to read all of this, thank you. I guess I just wanted to get it off my chest. I go to therapy, but I don’t think I’ll ever get over this.