Posted this on a few other places. I'm in a very difficult situation and need outside perspective.
I started working for an international corporation a few years ago while studying for my BA in the Netherlands (both full-time). I was heavily overworked on my first project (9h+ days, workload of 5 with other tasks), but what finally caused me to spiral out of control was a new boss that started micromanaging me and when I objected to this, they opened recruitment for my role. I liked the project though.
I was put on sick leave due to burnout, but before that I interviewed for a new position internally. I was told it was a support role: but a month into my (non-existent) training it turned out I had been lied to, as it was a sales role with mostly phone/meeting outreach.
I'm already experiencing signs of my burnout and health issues again, as this job is not suitable for me (I'm neurodivergent: phone calls are very hard; e-mails are ok) and they expect me to work at 100% capacity while my doctor advises me to stay at 80% during my treatment. To make matters worse, the project laid off an entire department and their KPIs are falling onto us. I have communicated this being too much from the start: and while my (direct) boss is understanding and has at her own expense tried to accomodate me, everyone else has dismissed this communication from me.
Recently the company doctor advised they should pull me from the project and put me on another project instead as the project is ignoring the communication for my reintegration.
However, my manager and HR have concluded that it's not my project causing my reintegration to “stagnate”, but the courses I am taking outside of work: Dutch classes and IT courses (it's just fluff for my LinkedIn/CV as I already understand everything from being actively involved in IT as a hobby). I was told to stop all courses and/or trainings outside work time.
My concerns are the following:
1. These courses are taken outside my work hours as I was told I can't do them on company time.
2. I don't have a budget for trainings or self-improvement at work. This is all out of my own pocket.
3. I want to improve myself to get out of this sales role.
4. I genuinely enjoy learning and do not feel stressed from it: in the end, the Dutch class is the only one that requires me to put effort into it so I can integrate into the culture (important). Learning stimulates me and makes me feel energized.
5. I would listen to podcasts & courses to improve myself during my old project – kept me sane under the insane workload.
They also told me to stay in my current project because “you will learn valuable skills from it” (despite me having no use for these skills or desire to continue in a sales role and expressing this). To keep a long story short, pulling me from the project would cause my hiring manager to lose face so they will not bench me despite the doctors advice.
So am I in the wrong for taking classes to – what I percieve as improving myself and my situation to get out of that situation, or is my company in the wrong?
TL;DR: Anxious neurodivergent put in a not suitable sales role, mental health says lol cya. Managers say it's the courses I take outside of work and wants me to stop.
Extra:
– I am looking for new jobs, but ~100 applications in and I only have one scam position reaching back out to me.
– I'm worried that my mental health took such a big hit from this I will still struggle if I get a new role elsewhere, so I sent a long email to my doctor explaining these developements about half an hour ago.
– HR and manager knows about my Dutch course as I requested PTO for the exam week and had to explain my reasoning for requesting PTO. I still have around 2 weeks of PTO left.
– I'm neurodivergent; autism, anxiety and social phobia are three main ones that causes me issues in doing this role. Simply put, my skillset is not in sales but more analytical.
– I feel terrible for not being able to work at my full capacity; I hate feeling like a burden, especially when I'm a “guest” in this country.