I’ve been working at my current job for about a year now. I’m a guy with longish hair (shoulder length), and not to float my own boat too much, but I take care of my hair and I get a lot of compliments on it. This is important to remember, that it’s not like my hair is greasy or unkempt.
My manager is incredibly bipolar, and has made dozens of comments over the past year about my hair with various connotations. Some of them are positive, albeit a little uncomfortable; she’s mentioned how she wishes I would pull it back more “so that she could see more of my face”. Other times, when she’s in a more bitter mood, she’ll berate my “unprofessional” appearance, telling me again that I should pull it back.
Another important detail: while she herself often pulls her hair back into a bun, she has (including on the day of the below incident) just as often worn it down.
My workplace is a retail jewelry store. Think “Kay Jeweler’s”, but, you know, not specifically Kay Jeweler’s. My manager’s mom will often come by and spend the day in the mall just outside our store, and on one day when I had chosen to pull back my hair, she came over and began to talk about how much better it looked pulled back, how I should pull it back all the time, etc. etc.
My manager had made the same comment earlier that day, and I honestly suspect she may have put her mom up to it. But nevertheless, the next day, I came in with my hair down, and my manager immediately asks why my hair wasn’t pulled up; after all, she and her mom had just told me how great it looked. I told her that I simply hadn’t brought a hair tie that day, and she replied saying, essentially, “Well, as a store manager, I have the right to set whatever dress code I like therefore you are now required to wear it up yada yada yada…” You get the idea.
But here’s the thing: She’s only requiring me to pull my hair back, no one else. She and my other coworker (who is female) had their hair down themselves while she was saying it to me. It’s a silly dispute to have, I know, but it’s one particular incident that is indicative of just how controlling and overbearing she is with everything related to work. There’s only 3 of us left at the store, her included, and my coworker (who agreed with me that my manager was being unreasonable) and I are (secretly) on the way out.
I’m not a men’s rights activist or whatever, but I can’t help but feel I’m being targeted at least in part due to my gender and it makes me uncomfortable. I also don’t feel that it is truly within the scope of her authority to impose a dress code on just one employee and not require it for anyone else or herself. Am I wrong to feel harassed?