So I have struggled my entire life with feeling lazy. I say 'feeling' lazy, because I was motivated in my personal life (sometimes to an obsessive degree) but never motivated at my jobs. It has been a continual struggle to get up and go in, and not distract myself or find ways to escape the work. I saw coworkers who seemed like they were 100% into it and loved it, but I felt there was no point. I wondered what was wrong with me. This has resulted in many years of depression and self-loathing.
Now, I have parroted the capitalist talking points all my life, 'work hard, get ahead' 'free market' 'capitalism rules' etc (I am about to turn 40). And I DO believe that human beings benefit psychologically from putting in hard effort and focus, and that produces good things that benefit you (generally). And I have worked my way up 'the ladder' and increased my income over time.
But: this morning I woke up and realized that I am not motivated because no matter how much work I put in, the output remains the same. I cannot reach any of my goals (financial independence, freedom, a sense of worth) by working harder at my job. The compensation for the output I produce by my input does not go to me. I don't OWN the output. My input has been bought and paid for, and under that contract they own my output and all compensation acquired from it. If 5 people put in equal labor to produce something that sells for $10, they don't get $2 each. We get $1 each and the owner gets the other $5. I don't care how much they work, they did not produce the thing that they sold themselves.
The obvious response is, go work for yourself! Start your own company! Well, yes, if I go work for myself I will then own 100% of the output. I am exploring that option now. But the other part still bothers me. If I start a company, and I hire someone for x dollars per hour, I am not solving the problem, I am just becoming a participant in a broken system.
I don't think being a solo-preneur is for everyone. There needs to be a way to co-operate in labor and keep ownership of your output. I know there are a few co-op style organizations out there, and I am going to start looking into that as well.
I guess I am just saying that a 40 year old lifelong kool-aid drinker has finally realized why he has felt so lazy for so long, and it wasn't that I was broken or worthless! It's that I don't own my output! And Just the idea of owning my output is profoundly motivating!
I hope this maybe helps someone else struggling with the same thoughts.
“It is no measure of health to be well adjusted to a profoundly sick society.”