Antiwork

Title's pretty self-explanatory. I serve no purpose whatsoever, except to consume resources as to stay alive, especially when I do not wish to. I find existence boring, meaningless, and sadistic. I'm sick and tired of people saying “life's an adventure! you'll find what you love”/”trust me bro, God has a plan for us all”/”it's all a matter of perspective, focus on the positive!”. No. Only difference between you and me, is that I do not romanticise suffering and pain. I need a job. I'm willing to go to college, then a masters, but I need a well-paying job, that doesn't make my life hell, than it already is.

Lately I’ve been so burnt out with work politics and bs. A few weeks ago I almost got written up for no reason and my boss is a snake. Some of my coworkers get on my last damn nerves and it’s hard to be fake and pretend to want to work around them. Mentally I just don’t give a fukc I hate being at work. Obviously I need this job for money and benefits . What can I do to help me through this and still stay professional? Looking for another job is not an option at this time. Tbh, am tired of working period. It’s the same shit different place of employment to me at this point.

To make a super long story short, the non profit I worked for has staff with college degrees living on food stamps while the director makes a hefty salary. The organization also does not offer any benefits besides PTO. No medical, dental, anything. Several of the staff voiced to the management team (which I was a part of) that they can’t make ends meet and might have to walk. They felt unheard and unseen. Part of my job was volunteer retainment. To me, if your employees aren’t valued and respected, then there is no way we will retain good volunteers. I sent out a survey to our 18-person staff asking “what would make our organization a better place to work?” “What is your stress level on a scale of 1-10?” “On a scale of 1-10, how much do you enjoy your job?” My only goal was to get employee feedback.…

I am/was a cashier at a grocery store. I always gave 120% and put myself through hell for that job. I put my mental health at stake for the sake of a measly 10$ an hour paycheck. I would be contemplating suicide over a $40 day of work. I just wanted to do my best to make people happy. I finally broke today and it took everything in me to not just take my life and make it go away. Tomorrow I’m going to quit with no notice. I almost killed myself over a job before I’m even considered a legal adult, and I wasn’t even an above average performer. I didn’t make any of our top speed or membership card usage lists. i was an average worker with no shining qualities and yet i worked myself through my bone and out the other side. That’s it, it’s scary but…

During my interview I was told I would be hired for Monday-Friday 11am-7pm. When we tried to schedule paper work, the GM “had something come up,” totally understandable. The next day, which was a Saturday, a day I was told that I would not be necessary or scheduled, he asked me to come in and fill out paperwork. Being in a bind financially the first thought was a quick “yes thats fine,” but then, as I was sitting in a room with extended family, mourning the loss of my dear cousin (Bridget Lipinski was her name) due to a drunk driver, I thought obviously my place is here I'm sure he'll understand because he had to reschedule on me and Saturday was not discussed during the interview. Needless to say I was actually given grief for not coming in on his schedule. Fast forward to filling out the actual paperwork,…