Antiwork

I had my first review in a while today. First off, I am excellent at my job. I work harder than my coworkers and am friendly even when I feel like crap. I deserve “excellent” in ever category. I got “medium” across the board. Oh, except for my interpersonal skills for which I got “bad”. Anyone who has ever met me, even on my worst day, would disagree. Why did I get such a crap score? I dare to call out when I’m ill. I have a chronic illness and have called out less than once a month (mind you, they only gave me 4-8 hours a week). So I get a crappy score. I like my job. I like the people. I hate missing work when I’m sick (it’s like being punished multiple times for being in pain- no pay, no social time, no job I like… and the…

so I unload a ridiculous amount of parcels of all weights and sizes all night long and sometimes its understaffed aswell so every night is physically difficult. isit worth working here here in the long or should I find something else?

I antiwork for karma.

I was forced through University by my parents. Threatened with violence if I dropped out and pursued my dreams. Eventually moved out, started properly pursuing my dreams as a musician/artist. Still managed to finish my 2 degrees. I received possibly the best vocation I could ask for as a result of my degrees. I like what my job stands for. I like the positive difference I make in the world (I work in mental health). But my days are dedicated to work. I’m too tired to do anything productive with my art. Gradually, I have slipped into a depression. All I want to do is something creative. I’m not even saving much money with this job. I just want to do my art for me, but work is stopping me from properly realising my potential. But then how will I make money? Art isn’t providing a living, just some nice…

Just remembering how in 2005, I was just starting college and working at Meijer. Most full time cashiers were older than me, 26-32yo. They all were union cashiers who made $30+ hr and had mortgages instead of renting. They had high school degrees. They’d go on vacation and had healthcare and stuff. If I had stayed, I would never have made that much, since changes in the union contract after 2000 meant cashiers were capped at $18. I was only there for two years and the new cap had already fell to $15. What the hell happened? I get talking about boomers, but this is not that.

These are handwritten (terribly and sometimes illegibly handwritten) timesheets from traveling nurses so they're very complex; they're also FULL of mistakes that I have to figure out and fix (whether it be the date, the times, the totals, etc.). The whole system is so archaic and chaotic it puts me in the verge of an anxiety attack sometimes. And today I was told I'm not doing enough and should be able to do all of them (that'd be more like 45 a day, and that number just keeps getting larger as they hire more nurses like every 3 weeks). I cried on and off all day today. I feel like a failure. I already suffer depression and anxiety and to be told I'm not doing enough when I actually feel like I'm doing TOO much…ugh. Just venting.