TW: mention of desire to s/h in last paragraph.
I spent 3 hours writing a post about this and reddit crashed and now I just feel defeated. I'm going to make this as brief as I can because I'm not spending another 3 hours writing this post.
I work at a factory. They want you to be a robot basically. My doctor's note states that I experience “extreme anxiety in painful, unpredictable, or stressful situations in which [I] feel trapped”.
Engaging in conversation with other workers helps me work at my best and at my fastest. The bossman showed up to stand and stare at everyone working. He hates it when people do anything to enjoy themselves at work – even talking. He just assumes that because you're having a good time you're automatically slacking off. The lead for the line I was assigned to told me to maybe stop talking as much. I asked the lead if my speed was suffering due to my talking. He said no. He said that he was telling me because the bossman was watching and doesn't like when people talk. This trapped me in an unpredictable and stressful situation. Hey look at that… three keywords mentioned in my fucking doctor's note.
The situation made my PTSD flare up terribly. I lost the ability to use one of my arms for a couple hours because of it, which is something that tends to only happen to me when my PTSD is extremely bad. I also had multiple breakdowns and flashbacks throughout the night, starting with the instant I got in the car after work.
I'd like to call out tomorrow to recover from the intense emotional turmoil I experienced at work today, but I'm afraid that I will still get docked for calling in (I can call in twice more before they will basically just fire me). I'm also afraid that my job will tell me that even though all of that happened it still somehow wasn't their fault or they weren't in the wrong. If I call out tomorrow, I will likely speak to HR first.
Was what occurred at work today an OSHA violation of some kind? The intensity of my PTSD did make me crave to inflict physical pain upon myself. Which seems like a safety violation to me. Not to mention the general safety of my mental health.
Any advice on what to do or how to handle this would be very much appreciated. And I can't quit my job cause it's the highest paying job I can get right now until I finish school and I can't finish school until I have savings from work. I am almost living paycheck to paycheck right now.